Last Night's Winner: Lane Kiffin, Bro

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like USC's Lane Kiffin, the happy mediocrity who won his debut last night against Hawaii. Coach Peter Principle is 1-0, everyone.

The game itself was nothing much — USC won by 13, and Daddy's defense gave up 36 points and 588 yards, leaving Plaschke so little to work with that he actually praised the Trojans' sportsmanship — except that Lane Kiffin was involved, and anything that involves Lane Kiffin is screamingly funny and therefore wonderful. It's funny that fans were taunting him in Hawaii ("Hey Kiffin, sing 'Rocky Top' for us! C'mon Kiffin! A little 'Rocky Top!'"). It's funny that even Justin Timberlake is busting on him. It's funny that in an ESPN The Magazine poll of Pac-10 players, Kiffin was the coach they'd least like to play for. It's funny that he says stuff like, "My ego, from a points standpoint and what they say about your offense, will never have any effect on how we call plays here." And like this:

It turns out the Trojans did not know the Warriors would be running the "Pistol" offense — a spread attack in which the running back lines up behind the quarterback — until defensive boss Monte Kiffin saw it on the news Wednesday night.

"So we spent all morning changing things and preparing for it," said Lane Kiffin. "I guess that shows we should never watch the news, because the preparation didn't do any good."

And it's funny that he inspires USC types to write, with only trace amounts of irony:

He's just like a Trojan. He's a man with a good looking wife, a lot of money and a whole world of non-Trojans hating on him.

He is also every coach's kid ever, every fat-cheeked son of somebody important, a guy who wears the perpetual look of someone who has spent the past 30 minutes eating paste. He is, to borrow a line, a dog who thinks he's people. Congrats, Lane. Last night you won one for all the dumbasses and fortunate sons out there, from a points standpoint.

Trojans look good and look awful in Lane Kiffin's USC debut [Los Angeles Times] The Most Arrogant Shit Ever. [Lost Angeles]