Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Let's All Remember Shea Stadium, With Drunken Fatty Lawsuits

A woman is suing the Mets after an intoxicated 300-pound fan comically tumbled down several rows of seats, and not-so-comically landed on her and broke her back.

In 2007 Ellen Massey was sitting in the upper deck for a game against the Phillies, and if those two variables weren't flashing warning signs, I don't know what are. Enter Timothy Cassidy, who the lawsuit doesn't name, but the Post does, perhaps in an attempt to shame him into trying Flirty Girl Fitness.


Massey's all like "your beer vendors should have known he was drunk, so you're to blame he shattered one of my vertebra like a Cheeto Puff."

But the Mets are all like, "he's a huge fatty boombalatty, and you should have seen him coming, so you're to blame too.

And then Cassidy was like, "this d-bag Phillies fan behind me was making fun of me for using my BlackBerry and he's the one who pushed me."

So we're like "with Citi Field's 8-dollar beers, and no more impossibly steep upper deck that makes it feel like you're climbing a ladder, this lawsuit is a relic of a simpler time, and we should cherish it while we can." And so we do.


Amazin' blame game [NY Post]

Share This Story