I was born in 1995. These hockey guys that Dan had for me to remember—specifically a very fancy and well-made pack of Topps Stadium Club—came from 1991. Surely, you can see the problem here.

But I am nothing if not a team player. Did I complain that I was negative-four years old when these guys were playing? No. Did I refuse to participate in a game clearly rigged against me? No. Did I stuff my mouth with gum until I thought I might puke? Absolutely, I did. Honestly, I was just glad for an excuse to sweat through my baggy 1987 Canada Cup Mario Lemieux jersey in June, and to finally find somebody besides Barry who was willing to talk hockey with me. I’ll do anything for my Puck Men.