Earlier this season, Bartolo Colon recorded his first hit since 2005. (He now has two on the season!) But in the fourth inning of today's Mets-Pirates game, he wasn't Bartolo the Slugger. He was Bartolo the Whiffer.

Colon actually had two chunky swings in a row, but his helmet didn't fall off on the second.

I like how he looks at his helmet after it falls off, as if that's the problem.

If we're being serious, Bartolo Colon needs to somehow hit a home run this season. Just do it, you jiggly man.