Lonzo Ball Shifts Loyalties From Big Baller Brand To A Hideous Pair Of Non-Euclidean Dice

Big Baller Brand, the nascent apparel company owned and operated by Lonzo and LaVar Ball, started to come apart in earnest absolutely no later than last week, when it was reported by Ramona Shelburne and Paula Lavigne of ESPN that Alan Foster, a partner in the venture, had been ousted for allegedly embezzling $1.5 million of Lonzo’s money. Monday, Shelburne hinted on Twitter that the Ball family was considering shuttering Big Baller Brand altogether; also Monday, Lonzo seemed to suggest on Instagram that he is defecting from the family brand to Nike. You should not give a shit about any of this, except that I need you to continue reading beyond this paragraph. Onward!

Lonzo has been covering up a small patch of tattoo near his right elbow this season, for the boring reason that the NBA has a rule prohibiting the display of tattoos promoting “non-partner” brands during games. The non-partner brand logo hidden away under the patch was, of course, the three Bs of the Big Baller Brand. When Lonzo next takes an NBA floor—opening night of next season, at the earliest—he will no longer need the bandage for cover, because the BBB logo, reflecting his pride in and loyalty to his family’s company, has been replaced by a jacked-up pair of Penrose stairs-ass dice:

Let’s enhance those suckers for a closer look, because they are extremely busted and stupid looking:

Apart from the obvious cautionary angle about the permanence of body art, there’s a metaphor lurking—perhaps one that’s even a little too on the nose—about investing loyalty in brands, even or perhaps especially if they are run by your own father, and especially if your display of loyalty involves scarring a brand’s logo onto a highly visible part of your body. Stick to good old unaffiliated dragons and skulls and spiderwebs!