Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Media Reveals Its Giant Penis Envy Of Greg Oden

Since Greg Oden apologized to the world for the cellphone dong shots, many sports columnists have had to suffer through actually writing about it. There were plenty of cautious, you-have-to-be-careful-these-days, newsy approaches. Others, chose to focus on their own shortcomings.


Here's a rundown of people who've had to suffer the indignity of realizing their penises are mere thimbles compared to Oden's exceptional black mamba.

* Sean Pendergrast, Houston Press: "It can't be done. Trust me, I don't care who the next guy is, if you choose to follow The Oden (and yes, that beast at the base of his abdomen is now being referred to as a proper noun), your lady will be filing her nails during sex asking if you're done yet."


* Jason Whitlock, Fox Sports: "The Oden pictures raise doubts about the legitimacy of the motion-in-the-ocean theory and the sincerity of women who claim there can be 'too much of a good thang.' "

* Steve Cofield, Cagewriter: "That's yours truly pictured with Oden during the Warren Moon Charity Bowling outing last summer in Las Vegas. And I thought I felt small that day. At least I have bigger hair. "


* The Faster Times, Mason Lerner: "If SportsChat had a piece like that, its photo would likely replace the rather smarmy looking head shot at the top of this blog"

* L.Z. Granderson, ESPN: "The only thing more ridiculous than Oden's apologizing for taking the pictures are the folks who felt he needed to. As far as I can tell, he has nothing to apologize for — and no, that isn't a thinly veiled size joke." (Ed. Note: Yes it is!)


* Elizabeth Snead, Zap2It: "Don't even think about taking your own photo to see how you measure up, dudes. Not unless you have a lifelong 'script for Lexapro." (Ed. note: No, I don't believe Elizabeth is a man.)

Thanks to reader, Chandler for the Snuffyshop.

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