Today Rio de Janeiro organizers officially debuted the mascots for the 2016 Olympic and Paralympic Games. The Olympic athletes get a cat! The disabled athletes get a plant.

It's actually not a cat, the cat claims. It's some horrible orgiastic chimera:

"I'm a mixture of all the Brazilian animals. I was born out of the explosion of joy that happened when they announced that Rio would host the Olympic Games."

The tree is "a fusion of all the plants in the Brazilian forests," and rest assured it was also born out of an explosion of some sort or another. It's also Anderson Varejao on a particularly earthy ayahuasca trip.

The mascots don't have names yet. That, my friends, is where you come in.

The poll is already open and you can vote for your choice from a shortlist of three pairs of names: one for the Olympic mascot, the other for the Paralympic mascot, respectively. The choices are Oba and Eba; Tiba Tuque and Esquindim; and Vinicius and Tom.

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Why the hell are you still here? Go make the tree Tom.