Melo, D-Wade, Cubes and Nolan Ryan All Sued By Crazy Prisoner

Jonathan Lee Riches, in prison for wire fraud, spends all his time filing lawsuits against public figures. This week sees a new one, involving a number of prominent sports stars, and it is a doozy.

The Dallas Observer has the full text, but I'll pull some choice allegations for you.

Carmelo Anthony told me he is going to kill me...I was his former boyfriend and we were in a sexual relationship in 2000...I used stolen credit cards to get him GNC vitamins and enemas to flush out his toxins.

Anthony melt my Popsicle. Anthony gave me a STD in 2001. Carmelo Anthony worked as a undercover narcotic cop in Baltimore and was snitchin.

Carmelo Anthony cheated on his wife LaLa with Dwyane Wade's ex-wife who gave Anthony fellatio in I-95 traffic.

Mark Cuban stole my credit cards and tried to buy the Texas Rangers with my money. Mark Cuban assaulted me serving ice cream at Dairy Queen.

Nolan Ryan threw 100 mph fastballs at my head and he and Robin Ventura beat me up at the Church of Jesus Christ.

Jerry Buss accused me of raping him and Kobe Bryant in Boulder at JonBenet Ramsey's house. Jerry Buss sold me Jeannie Buss on eBay and I was promised a Lakers janitor job when I get out of prison for less than minimum wage.

When I listen to ESPN Radio I get goosebumps and shivers because of the fear defendants caused me.

Can I start a class action suit for that last one?

The Best Lawsuit Ever Filed That Mentions Mark Cuban, Nolan Ryan and Robin Ventura [Dallas Observer]