MLB To Horny Players: Please Use The Good Dick Pills, Not The Bad Ones

Baseball players are too damn horny. So says MLB, which had to send out a memo to its players on Monday telling them to stop using over-the-counter “sexual-enhancement pills.” The risk, beyond engorged wooden bats, is that these pills have substances in them that might get flagged on a drug test.

Per ESPN’s Jeff Passan, the memo was circulated to both major- and minor-leaguers, to ensure no one gets caught with their pants down and their boxers tented. Passan quoted sources who said that “at least two players this year were suspended for performance-enhancing drugs and claimed the banned substances found in their urine came from the unregulated products.”

Wonderfully, the memo doesn’t seem to accuse players of using the pills for any potential performance-enhancing benefits on the field, even though it does point out that the pills have been found to contain traces of anabolic steroids and “other prohibited substances.” No, this is all about boners:

In the memo, which was sent to major and minor league players and re-distributed by the MLB Players Association to ensure its members received it, MLB suggested that players who “suffer from erectile dysfunction or other legitimate issues related to sexual performance ... speak to a licensed physician about the various prescription medications (e.g., Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) available to treat those conditions.”

It can’t possibly be this hard to get a legitimate prescription to treat erectile dysfunction, particularly if you are a rich baseball player with access to a team doctor. If you are a horned-up baseball player, please understand that resorting to gas-station boner pills is no solution, particularly when it can lead to an 80-game suspension.

[ ESPN]