Move The Minnesota Vikings To Pluto

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

Thanks to the New Horizons probe, the world’s seeing marvelous new photos of dwarf planet Pluto and its moons this week. The 10-year trip cost approximately $720 million, and as WCCO’s Pat Kessler pointed out in a lighthearted way, the Minnesota Vikings’ new stadium will require more money and not contribute nearly as much to mankind’s collective knowledge of the mysteries and majesty of the universe. I want to take this opportunity to propose that the Vikings be sent to Pluto.

The Minnesota Vikings are a middling NFL team, with promise at quarterback in Teddy Bridgewater, but there’s nothing really special about them to justify leaving them on Earth. Football Outsiders calculated the snap-weighted age of each team in April, and the Vikings averaged at 26.2 years old, the 27th-youngest team in the league. They’ll be fine with a 10-year trip. The players could all absorb some great experience for road games. It’ll keep them disciplined, and no one on Pluto could get them into trouble.

Roger Goodell should be all for this idea. The move will expand the league’s fanbase, and get those highly coveted Pluto dollars, or whatever currency they have there. If the Jaguars can play home games in London, why can’t the Vikings play home games on Pluto? Plus, by default, the Vikings would be the best football team on the (dwarf) planet. The land isn’t owned by anyone, so owner Zygi Wilf can build as big of a stadium as he wants. There aren’t any zoning laws on Pluto; go crazy with it.


Here’s the rationale: Instead of choosing between jaw-dropping photos of a dwarf planet 4.67 billion miles (or 7.5 billion kilometers) away from Earth, or Cordarrelle Patterson making three-yard catches on stunning HD video screens all around the stadium, why not jaw-dropping photos of Cordarrelle Patterson making three-yard catches on a dwarf planet 4.67 billion miles (or 7.5 billion kilometers) away from Earth? Sure, the replays would take a bit to return to our planet, but that’s fine.

Photo: NASA via AP

Contact the author at