There won't be a better profile of an athlete written this year. Of course that's assuming you think racecar drivers are athletes. But even if you don't, you need to read this Rolling Stone story on NASCAR's Tony Stewart. Just a few of the details: Stewart used to travel with a pet monkey on his private jet but got rid of it because it was "the wrong breed," and despite making $17 million last year still lives in the three-bedroom house he grew up in. Oh, and there's this quote. Just in case you wanted to know what makes Tony Stewart get up every morning: "Pussy, money and race cars. That's pretty much all I care about." It gets even better.

The only thing Stewart enjoys more than a race car and a fight, it seems, is women. Over the course of a race weekend, he's approached by dozens of them, each more long-legged, doe-eyed and blond than the last. Inside the NASCAR bubble, these gals are called "pit lizards," and they prowl the inner sanctum at tracks throughout the year. "My parents are afraid my dick's gonna rot off," Stewart says.

Which leads into perhaps the greatest dialogue in racing history:

At a late-night fuel stop during the flight to the Phoenix race, he meets two girls, who look to be in their early 20s, working the front desk at the airport lounge in Salina, Kansas. "Take us with you, Tony?" one of them says as he grabs a chocolate-chip cookie from a tray on the counter. "Depends," he says, taking a bite. "You gals 18 yet?" "Why you want to know that?" one girl asks. "Well, we ain't just flying up there, darling," he says, winking at me. "We'll be taking pictures and hanging out and all sorts of stuff." "Aww, Tony," singsong the girls.

Where There's Smoke... [Rolling Stone] Tony Stewart really has that whole southern charm thing down to a science [The Sporting Blog]