Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

NCAA engages in legal circle-jerk over VASECTOMY MAYHEM

The NCAA doesn’t want people confusing vasectomy mayhem with basketball,
The NCAA doesn’t want people confusing vasectomy mayhem with basketball,
Illustration: Shutterstock

It’s only fitting that the NCAA is very concerned with dicks. The NCAA is petitioning to cancel a urology center’s trademark for “VASECTOMY MAYHEM” – which is a phrase that honestly shouldn’t exist and especially shouldn’t exist around the word “vasectomy”– because they’re concerned that people will confuse it with “MARCH MAYHEM.”

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You see, many men schedule vasectomies for March, because it’s a good time to just sit around recovering while watching basketball.

Ignoring the fact that it sounds like a urology center is organizing a genitalia massacre, it does make sense that an organization that constantly wants to engage in pissing contests could think that there’s some confusion.

While they’re having a conversation with a urology clinic and filing a countersuit, they should file another one saying that they aren’t allowed to offer anything that helps with “performance.” Next thing you know, the NCAA will confuse the little blue pill with a Performance Enhancing Drug, and they’ll think all of their male athletes are having a very hard time.

I feel like the NCAA is going about this all wrong. Maybe the NCAA could be the official sponsor of “VASECTOMY MAYHEM,” and they give away a free snip for every buzzer beater. Or something. I digress. It does take a real heady braintrust to stroke the egos of the NCAA and convince them that this is an actual issue that they need to get their hands on. I hope the judge gets a good laugh out of it.