Photo: Brynn Anderson/AP

Alabama football coach Nick Saban, a man who won’t even crack a smile while his team is beating some cupcake by 31 points, began Wednesday’s press conference with a quick little bit for the assembled media: Jeans are crazy these days, right?

The guy who eats precisely two Oatmeal Creme Pies for breakfast was baffled when he saw some distressed jeans on campus:

Not to offend anybody out there, but I just walked by some jeans. Wore-out jeans. Holes in ‘em. All cut up. I just remember when I was a kid in West Virginia, I was ashamed to go to school because my jeans were wore out. Only because we didn’t have any better. Now they buy ‘em that way. I just can’t figure—how did we get here?

Someone graciously gave Saban’s monologue the soundtrack it deserved: