Not A Gift You'd Give To A Tigers Pitcher

So, you're a huge fan of your team, so much so that you'd like to spend eternity in their warm embrace, but you also insist that you be cremated at death, so as not to attract worms, Jay Mariotti and other underground dwellers. That is to say, This is not an option.

Worry not: For 700 bucks, you can have your own officially licensed Major League Baseball urn! From The New York Times:

Mytych said that fans cannot directly order the urns, so they are unlikely to be hoarded by ghouls looking to get them signed and sell them on eBay. The $699 urns will go on sale opening day, a note of finality, of sorts, to start the season, and can be bought only from funeral homes. (Pet owners can order cat and dog urns from Mytych's company.) ... "We feel the creativity's been bred out of the funeral industry," he said.

There are eight teams available, including the Red Sox, which means that Manny Ramirez just bought five.

Urnie Banks [copyranter]