The Blue Jays put gentle dinger machine Vladimir Guerrero Jr. on the 7-day disabled list last weekend after he tweaked a leg injury on a dipshit single on Saturday. It was a tough blow, but we are grownups, and we can survive seven days without our strong dong-mashing idol. It has now been seven days—where is Young Vlad? Where is he. Bring me the Young Vlad news:
Take back the Young Vlad news! This blows. The last thing in the world I can stand is Vlad Jr. going into some sort of Markelle Fultz-esque re-evaluation vortex. Give Vlad Jr. back to us, cruel fate. You have already taken Shohei Ohtani. Let us at least keep Young Vlad.