Notes on a day in baseball:
• Cruel Shoes. Yeah, yeah, we know; we're leading with the Yankees again, and they didn't even play Thursday. But they're making it too easy! We're not made of stone! Just read this sentence and try not to laugh, smirk, or simply burst into tears: Jason Giambi will be sidelined at least three weeks and possibly far longer after tearing tissue in the arch of his left foot while rounding the bases on a home run. Yes, injured during a home run trot in Tuesday's game with Toronto. Now far be it from us to mock another man's pain, but come on. Oh, and Derek Jeter is now on the DL due to a tragic winking accident. Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen and Barry Bonds have weighed in on the Alex Rodriguez popup shouting controversy. You asked us to inform you when that happened, so there you go.
• Now Witness The Firepower Of This Fully Armed And Operational Roy Halladay! Meanwhile, the Blue Jays move on to bigger and better things. Roy Halladay, who was supposed to be out a month following an appendectomy, returned ahead of schedule and under budget, pitching Toronto to a 2-0 win over the White Sox. Halladay made it back in 19 days, notching his 100th career victory as Frank Thomas hit his 495th career homer, and 243rd as a designated hitter, tying him with Edgar Martinez for the most career home runs by a DH.
• Ha Ha Ha HA HA! Whenever the names Lance and Woody are mentioned we think of cartoon woodpeckers. But that's just us. You Astros fans most likely think of Lance Berkman (three-run homer) and Woody Williams (nine strikeouts), who led Houston to a 10-2 win over the Reds.
• The 12-Person Beer Bong Works It's Strange and Terrible Magic. Prince Fielder hit his franchise-record 13th homer of the month, as the first-place Brewers beat the Marlins 4-3.
• Travis Hafner, You're Our LeBron. We suppose it's one of nature's rules that we don't understand, that the Indians must trounce the Tigers on any day that the Cavaliers beat the Pistons. Cleveland improved its home record to 18-4 with the 11-5 win.