Only Fake Porn Can Make The Ryder Cup Worthwhile

We're not really sure why we're supposed to care about the Ryder Cup. First off, it's golf: It's the furthest thing from a team sport, and no matter how hard they try to convince us that we're rooting for "America," it's hard to inspire enthusiasm to root for the home country to avoid the bunkers while wearing knickers. It's not like most people consider golfers to be just like them anyway; is there really that much difference between a rich American golfer and a rich British one? (Other than the teeth.)

Which is another problem too: It's the United States vs. Europe. That's hardly an opponent that inspires much vitriol. If they really want the silly trophy that badly, they can have it.

That said, the Ryder Cup does start tomorrow in Ireland, and if anything good is coming out of it, it's the introduction of Tiger Woods to the teeth-baring soulsuckers of European tabloids. Frankly, it's good for him, we think, to deal with silliness involving made-up porn sites involving his wife. Tiger Woods is, without question, the least interesting superstar athlete, so it's funny to listen to him nasally bash tabloids; it's like a the guy from the A/V room acting "outraged" that someone put dry ice in his locker. We'd suggest Tiger relax. It's a dumb Irish magazine that nobody cares about, and besides, no one has really considered his wife all that sexy since you married her anyway. You have that effect. Embrace it!

Woods Lashes Out At Stories, Pictures Of His Wife [Associated Press] Ryder Cup [Official Site]