Please Heed These Tips For A Safe And Fun Halloween

This is for all of you Halloween revelers who are planning on being clever tomorrow night and dress up like Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. And you know who you are. We see you with the Paul Hogan hat and the toy sting ray and the too-tight khaki shorts, and we're begging you to stop. My God, many of you even have toy crocodiles. Ecch. Just don't do it. And not because it would be in poor taste, but because it's lame; everyone is going to have the same idea. From the Snopes.com message board:

I just had a conversation with the woman who runs our giftshop here at work. Apparently there has been a run on the stuffed animal stingrays along with the kid size zookeeper outfits. Folks intend to sew the rays to the front and send the kids out on Halloween as Steve Irwin. Man that's harsh. Ironically, the womans name is Barb. (honest truth). — Best, Mark Rehling, Aquarium Biologist, Cleveland Metroparks Zoo.

Imagine an entire neighborhhood of kids walking around saying "crikey." It's embarrassing. It's wrong. Do you want your children to end up like the poor little bastards who once wore these? Think about it. Just watch this week's South Park. Should explain the whole matter.

May we suggest instead:

• Keggy. Hours of fun for the entire family. (Please return costume by 11 a.m. Wednesday or forfeit deposit).

• Chris Berman. (Combover sold separately).

• Mr. Celery. A bagful of candy, and a nutrious snack.

• Coach Janky Spanky. Ironically, Halloween is the only night that Clinton Portis doesn't dress up.

• Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis. "Hey, where are all my sofa cushions? Kids!"

• Carl Monday. Trenchcoat, check. Mustache, check. Microphone, check. Never mind the candy, ma'm; Anyone in there jackin' it?

Wait ... somebody beat us to this one!

Worst Halloween Costumes Of All Time [RetroCrush] It's The Crocodile Hunter, Charile Brown [Snopes.com]

Another Carl Monday costume, from brilliant reader John Stokes, after the jump.