Prepare For Deadspin's Preposterous Spring Break Week, Featuring Pat Jordan

Sometimes we get lofty ideas, ones that seem great in theory, but are impossible to execute and may unexpectedly end with a wounded frog. Here's another: Pat Jordan, revered wildman sportswriter, is covering Spring Break in Daytona Beach for us.

It should be noted that Pat Jordan is 68-years-old. For the past couple weeks we've had numerous phone discussions about how to pull this story together, which, at times, have turned into some surreal, predictable Wenner-exasperated-about-HST-over-the-Mojo Wire-type conversations. I originally pitched that Pat stay only a couple of days (so we don't completely drain our limited annual budget) but he had a better idea.

"I think I'm gonna rent a cargo van," he growled, "so I can sleep in that for a couple days and do it just like the kids used to do it."

This was an odd request and one that was completely unnecessary, but so be it.

"Also, I can stay for as long as I want if I stay in the van."

But how long are you planning on staying?

"As long as it takes."

Jordan also requested that we send him $1,000 prior to his trip (for the van and other supplies) and that we have something written on official Gawker letterhead indicating that he's been hired to do an assignment.

"That way, if the cops hassle me, I can just show 'em the letter."

Neat-o.

I also jokingly requested that Jordan call me if he gets into any trouble, which he was touched by, adding that he'd only be bringing two guns on this trip for his own protection. He has emailed several times to give me his status updates and various requests, sometimes at odd hours, even on weekends, to which I'd groggily ask him to just gimme a minute to pull myself together. Not a good enough answer:

wake up! i've been up since four fucking a.m.!

I spoke to him this weekend and he's having a good time In Daytona Beach so far. "Get this — 8 a.m. I'm walking around the pool and some blonde thing is laying on a lounge chair and asked me to go get 'breakfast and shit' with her."

He will file his first report next Monday. It will be typed up and then faxed to Gawker offices.

"I'm gonna give you good stuff — you're getting an A+ story for cheap."

So there's that.

Plus!:

* We'll have Drew Magary doing a special Spring Break version of Drunken Hookup Failures

* Some other Spring Break commemorative essays from various individuals.

* Videos of wet T-shirt contests featuring a soundtrack by Vivaldi.

Why are we doing a Spring Break week you ask? Well, that was the only way we could justify the expense of sending a 68-year-old, heat-packing old man in a cargo van down to Daytona. I hope you'll enjoy it.

If any of you have other suggestions to add to next week's "Spring Broken" extravaganza, don't hesitate to write me. Especially if you worked at MTV during their Spring Break heydays.

Regardless, pray for us.