Alex Jones has become one of the most powerful broadcasters in these United States because he has taken plays from Limbaugh’s old playbook and added authentic mental illness, a frontier grifter’s pure avarice, and vocal stylings that even Ed Orgeron would admire as forceful. It is true that Jones, if given second chair next to Sean McDonough on ESPN’s NFL showcase, absolutely could not be trusted not to describe MULTIPLE DOCUMENTED INSTANCES OF FLIES LANDING ON DEZ BRYANT or the suspicious sulfurous odor of Sean Payton. Jones cannot, and should not, be trusted not to interrupt game action for a paint-peeling 15-minute monologue accusing Dirk Koetter of being a literal goblin. It is not a question of whether Jones would interrupt a game to promote some sort of Alpha X-Hippo Potency Tonic that is, chemically speaking, indistinguishable from Diet Sierra Mist—he absolutely would, and honestly the question is if he’d ever stop talking about it.

ESPN must give Alex Jones this job, but the network must also make that decision with its eyes open, secure in the knowledge that while the Bilderbergs and the Council On Foreign Relations have nothing to do with how lame the AFC South is, Jones is absolutely going to find a way to blame them for it. Any of these, all of these, are reason for pause. But this is 2018, and this vacancy demands a solution that fits the stupid, terrified moment we’ve made. A half-measure like Rush Limbaugh won’t do. These times demand the real shit.

Also honestly it’s probably him or like Brock Huard.