I’m not sure if the Los Angeles Rams’ draft is sponsored by Rocket Mortgage or cocaine sales, but it’s definitely one of those. After watching Arizona Cardinals’ head coach Kliff Kingsbury draft from his lair last year like a modern-day Batman villain, Sean McVay will be getting a similar setup this year.
Apparently, this is just what we do in the NFC West now. We sit stoically in front of oversized marble fireplaces, and we open up the lanai to let in that southwestern breeze, and we look delightfully at the infinity pool sparkling in the sunshine, while acting like Tony Montana sitting on a pile of booger dust-covered money. The only difference is that while Kingsbury actually owns his pad, the Rams are converting a Malibu beach house into their “war room” so McVay can play house for three days. Oh, and the swimming pool is sponsored by Rocket Mortgage, and the pillows on the couch are sponsored by Rocket Mortgage, and the pillows on the other couch are sponsored by Rocket Mortgage, and the orb light things are sponsored by Rocket Mortgage, and McVay’s haircut might be sponsored by Rocket Mortgage too, for all we know.
All that’s left is for McVay to show up in suede loafers with no socks, and the pure oozing jealousy that he felt watching Kingsbury last year will be palpable in its cringiness.
I mean, it’s not like the Rams have a brand-new shiny stadium that they could spend their NFL Draft working out of. The Cardinals have a silver roomba in the middle of the desert, while the Rams have a modern, angular palace of a modern stadium surrounded by palm trees and water. If they really wanted to rub it in the Cardinals’ faces (which is a weird pissing contest to engage in, considering the Cardinals haven’t won the division since 2015, but whatever), then they should just show off their new digs. Much like a suburban battle between dads competing for the and their TV sizes, McVay and company could just point to their ridiculous infinity scarf-looking display thing that looms above their field.