Injured pitchers two-fisting around the clubhouse! Stabbing the manager in the back! Fans who can't even mourn Johnny Pesky with their pants up! Can it possibly get any worse for those fourth-place Boston Red Sox?
Just you wait. This was the email that came screaming into our inbox a few minutes ago:
Subject: HUGE TIP
I witnessed recently traded Red Sox relief pitcher, Craig Breslow, buying a camel hair sports coat at the Jos A Bank in downtown Baltimore.
Holy shit! We wrote back to ask if our spy had any photos to document this crisis. This was the reply:
No. But he was dropping hints that he was a Red Sox. I think he was trying to get a discount.
So there you have it. The Sawx are on the verge of getting swept by the Orioles before they head to New York to play the fackin' Yankees. But what's a reliever who's been a Sawk for a little more than two weeks doing today? He might be out buying "a camel hair sports coat" while sort of suggesting who he plays for in the hopes of maybe getting the price reduced. Sigh. These ah some dahk times, you guys.