Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]

Behold, the worst of all the things: a Redditor putting pumpkin in his diarrhea sludge!

Here is a screenshot, in case you rightly convulsed hard enough to break your spine at the thought of clicking a link to Reddit:


Will "gqsmooth" wrap wads of this gross pumpkin-flavored Cincinnati chili in bacon and sous-vide them? Will he serve this food to his OKCupid match in a fedora-shaped bowl and call her "m'lady"? Will the internet cohere into an anthropomorphic tangle of fiberoptic cable and come to hideous, shambling, red-eyed life, logging into itself to dispute the awesomeness of dunk highlights?

Who knows. Who can know? All that can be known is the horror of stealing a glimpse of the void. My god, my god.

The correct amount of pumpkin to add to your Cincinnati chili is: Make something else.


h/t Michael

Share This Story

Get our newsletter