Photo: Christian Petersen (Getty)

It’s been two days since the Americans got their asses handed to them at the Ryder Cup, and you know what that means: It’s time to read the papers and soak up some golf drama.

Our first bite of the bitter loser’s apple comes, of course, from universally despised golf twit Patrick Reed. On a phone call with reporters after the tournament, Reed complained about the fact that he wasn’t paired up with Jordan Spieth, and blamed the misstep on the fact that Spieth is a whiny little baby, in so many words. From The New York Times:

“The issue’s obviously with Jordan not wanting to play with me,” Reed said, adding, “I don’t have any issue with Jordan. When it comes right down to it, I don’t care if I like the person I’m paired with or if the person likes me as long as it works and it sets up the team for success. He and I know how to make each other better. We know how to get the job done.”

This elicited a fiery response from an anonymous member of Team USA, who told the New York Post that, actually, it was Reed who had insisted that he be paired up with Tiger Woods instead of Spieth:

“He is so full of shit,” the source told The Post on Monday. “Blindsided my ass. He begged to play with Tiger.’’

And then Reed’s wife stepped into the fray:

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Is your thirst for intra-squad golf squabbling satisfied? If not, perhaps I can interest you in a near-physical altercation. 

That’s what the Telegraph reported happened between Team USA members Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka. The two Americans were invited to the European team’s room after the tournament, at which point an argument erupted and the two reportedly had to be separated after nearly coming to blows. The Telegraph cites one source who claims that one of the European players’ wives witnessed the incident, and that she was “clearly shocked and upset by the nastiness, which was very threatening.” Oh my!

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These golf boys really need to calm down.