Respect the Conk! Tame the Puck!

The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of The FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer. Enjoy.

Pittsburgh 4, NY Rangers 1. The Penguins built a 3-0 lead — thanks, in part, to Evgeni Malkin getting out his All-Star snub aggressions — at home last night when the Rangers unleashed hell in the second period to the tune of a 17-2 shot advantage. Unfortunately, they forgot one thing: They were no match for Pittsburgh's strong, turgid and unyielding Conk. Ty Conklin stopped 43 shots to remain undefeated in regulation through 11 starts, achieving a level of awesomeness that brings out pseudo-emo puck bunnies with homemade signs, curmudgeonly columnists who believe the bubble will burst at any moment, and what I'm sure will be an inevitable e-mail forward in which the name "Ty Conklin" is inserted into several dozen moldy Chuck Norris jokes.

For the last few weeks, I've been following Conklin like one might follow a novelty song up the singles charts. And while I've waited for the general public to wake up to the general awfulness of "Axel F" by Crazy Frog or "The Doggie Bounce," Conklin keeps. On. Winning. Only it's not some "insert mediocre goalie behind trap-happy defense" horseshit: Conklin has faced more than 35 shots in six of his wins and his one overtime loss.

But just as I'm starting to believe in the power of the Conk, some columnist who once lost a WCW wrestling match to "Mean" Gene Okerlund has to try and ConkBlock ( tm, Pensblog)me. That would be Mark Madden of the Beaver County Times, who thinks Ty's a ConkTease, comparing him to goalies like "Ken Wregget, Patrick Lalime, Ron Tugnutt, and Johan Hedberg" and saying that when the injured Marc Andre-Fleury returns, Conklin should "doff his mask, don his baseball cap, and be the backup again. Fleury should again assume the starting job." But Guy Junker of the Tribune-Review (Guy Junker...Beaver County...the fuck?) believes that if the Conk is still on top when Fleury returns, it's Ty's job to lose. Whether you believe Ty Conklin is another Penguins flash-in-the-pipes or you believe he's The Puck Whisperer, there's no denying he's one of the Top 5 stories in the League this season. We're talking about a player who was left for the scrap heap after one of the biggest fuck-ups in Stanley Cup Finals history. This is what it would have looked like if Bill Buckner ended up winning a Gold Glove after going to the Royals in 1988.

Of course, unlike Buckner, Ty Conklin destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

It's Like the Song Billy Joel Never Wrote. Big week for the Islanders: Habs tonight at home, in Jersey tomorrow, and then a showdown with Philly on the Island on Saturday. This coming after a rather historic 3-1 win over the Senators on Sunday; the last time the Islanders won in Ottawa, their general manager was one of their goalies. This unfortunately sounds like a longer duration of time than it really is.

With Montreal in tonight, The New York Times had a nice look at two Long Island boys who are returning home with the Habs: Mike Komisarek and Christopher Higgins. Both say they enjoy the anonymity in New York when they come back from Montreal. I'm not sure what Higgins means by that; but I'm pretty certain Komisarek is referring to the fact that in Huntington, your biggest concern is choosing which local pizza joint to frequent instead of worrying about some Canuck version of Perez Hilton claiming that you're banging Elisha Cuthbert because you happen to be at the same movie premiere.

Puck Headlines

* I tried slipping this headline into yesterday's Closer at the last minute, but Leitch apparently has his hands full. (Have you heard he has a book coming out?) Anyhoo, in case you haven't seen it, they held a game on strawberry sherbet in the AHL over the weekend. Here's the question: Would Ladislav Nagy actually play even softer on pink ice? [ Peerless Prognosticator]

* CuJo to the Flames: "What, the job at the car wash didn't come through?" [ Two For Elbowing]

* Cliff Fletcher, Scottie Bowman ... good to see the Leafs are taking a cue from the Canadiens and Oilers and using nostalgia and name-recognition as a managerial smokescreen to fog systemic foundational problems within their franchise. Oh, yeah: Add the Dolphins to that list, too. [ Steve Simmons and Eric Duhatschek]

* Rob Rossi explains why anyone who believes Marian Hossa will be the Kurri to Sidney's Gretz is havin' a laugh. [ Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]

* By vewwwwwy quiet ... these Edmonton's Hot Oil bloggers are hunting Puck Bunnies! [ Edmonton Sun]

* I would have seen "There Will Be Blood" anyway, but it's virtually guaranteed now that Daniel Day Lewis provided the world with the next great film catch-phrase: "I ... DRINK ... YOUR MILKSHAKE!" Why does that sound like something Esa Tikkanen might have said before spearing someone? [ /Film]

* Canadian 1980s "metal demigods" Anvil, authors of such memorable ditties as "Mothra" and "March of the Crabs," went on a comeback tour of hockey rinks — and the documentary of that tour is going to play Sundance. Sounds like a real-life Spinal Tap, and I hope it is. "I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been that there was a Zamboni on the ice that was in danger of being crushed ... by a dwarf." [ Cinema Blend]

* Comparing the 210th overall pick of the last 10 NHL Drafts might seem a little obsessive to some. On the HF Boards, it's a badge of honor ... and a goofy way to spread the Zetterberg love. [ HF Boards]

* Memo to angry 16-year-olds: Don't assault a goalie in full pads and gear. Canoe]

* The Stars face Scott Niedermayer for the first time this season in a big divisional throw-down. Because he only dragged his old ass off the couch like, what, a few weeks ago, right? Star-Telegram]

*And finally ... Gretzky thinks this shit tastes great, mom!