Photo: Joe Robbins (Getty)

Just two months ago, Rick Pitino and I had big dreams. He was going to stride confidently back into the NBA, take control of a franchise desperately in need of his knack for player development, and begin the satisfying third act of his career. I, on the other hand, was going to ascend into the cosmos, seize control of the Oort Cloud and Nemesis star, and rule the solar system.

Unfortunately, both Pitino and I have had to settle for less than we had dreamed of:

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The universe is cruel, isn’t it? Rick Pitino, who most recently coached in the NBA in 2001, guiding the Boston Celtics to a 12-22 record before getting shitcanned, can’t get another shot to run a team and instead has to go slumming in Greece? And I, a guy who read six science fiction books this year, can’t figure out how to make light-speed travel and longterm galactic habitation a reality and instead have to live and die as a common earthling? What a raw deal.