Ronaldo Shills Bullshit Workout Contraption In Ridiculous Commercial

I’m not saying Cristiano Ronaldo is a cyborg, and if he is he’s probably a benevolent one, but if this wild commercial for some weird, obviously scammy Japanese “exercise gear” isn’t really a behind-the-scenes look at Ronaldo’s morning boot-up process, I’ll buy this stuff and have a six pack in no time.

Look upon the specimen, as his CPU whirs to life and stirs his Sight Modules:

Look upon the specimen, as his synthetic Midsection Levers are primed for the day’s work:

Look upon the specimen, now at full operating capacity, pleased at the state of his taut and toned Midsection Levers:

Look upon the specimen’s Companion Bot, who too must be roused from hibernation:

This commercial could easily double as a sort of prequel to Roy and Pris’s ransacking of Sebastian’s apartment in Blade Runner, and at any rate, I now want buy these little things and join the revolution. The Body Revolution.

[ 101 Great Goals]