Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Rude Orange County Lax Bros Arrested On Suspicion Of Stealing A Turkey And Taking It On A Bender

Screencap via
Screencap via

Orange County High School’s agriculture teacher Patti Williams went to check on the school’s animal pen on Sunday morning, when she made a startling discovery: Tim the Turkey was missing.

Williams immediately alerted the city of Orange’s animal care unit, and later that afternoon, Tim was luckily found wandering around on the street. Some enterprising OC residents corralled him into a backyard and he was reunited with Jake, his friend (presumably) who avoided the kidnapping.

Shortly after, two lacrosse players from Chapman University were arrested in connection with the theft and taken to Orange County jail. KTLA reports that Steven Koressel and Richard Melbye were booked on suspicion of theft on Monday night and released the next day. The school released the following statement:

Two Chapman students have been identified and arrested by the Orange Police Department in the incident in which the turkey was abducted from Orange High School. The University will also undertake the appropriate disciplinary actions according to our Student Conduct Code. The University will not tolerate any instances of theft, animal abuse or cruelty, is appalled by this behavior, and takes this issue extremely seriously.


As for Tim, he lost a bunch of feathers, and his condition was described as “declining at best”:

Tim had a black, sticky substance on him and was missing several chest feathers. He also had bruises, chest swelling, trouble breathing, abrasions to his face, head and chest, a broken toe and part of his tail was missing, Williams said.

Have you ever been so fucked up that you went and stole a real actual turkey? Tim is not a small animal! Whoever did the thievery might have tried to get Tim to join their bender, as he reportedly reeked of beer:

“He smelled like beer and had been wet; his feet were damaged and his whole tail plump had been ripped out,” Williams said. “He was pretty stressed.”


Bad lax bros.

h/t Matt

Staff writer, Deadspin

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