Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Thoughts I would have before I, unlike LOU’s Jérémy Gondrand, got up and started calmly looking for the four teeth that had just been smashed out of my head:

  1. KXBJKBAKLNFkvdbJBNBZLN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. Can you bleed out from four toothless sockets?
  3. Is my jaw busted, too?
  4. Is it too young to retire at 25?
  5. My contract is guaranteed through the rest of the season I’m 100 percent about to skip out on, right?
  6. Do I know of any good personal injury attorneys who can sue that blindsiding motherfucker for every red cent he’ll ever earn?
  7. Would it suck more to go the rest of my life with the creepiest smile ever or to sit through the interminable, excruciatingly painful dental procedures to get my shit fixed?
  8. Should I hit the liquor store now or talk to the team doc first?

Gondrand is almost tough enough to play hockey.



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