Scoring Some Telochki With Alex Ovechkin

GQ, including him hitting the town in Moscow. Ovie treats the fawning women like — well, pretty much what you'd expect from a young, rich superstar.

Ovechkin's social life sounds like that of an I-Banker or any job that allows a young man's means to keep up with his libido. He's a regular at the hotter Moscow clubs, although he definitely has his favorites.

There's some quality action at Soho Rooms, real high quality," he says when we start talking clubs. "You should go pick up some telochki." The word literally means "calves" and semantically falls somewhere between "chicks" and "bitches." "Especially if you you've got your own table. Just go up to the girls, say, ‘I've got a table,' and they'll hop right along."

I do that smug thing married guys do, where you stick out your hand and use the thumb to wiggle the wedding ring on the ring finger.

"Aw, come on, who's gonna see?" pushes Ovechkin.

The next day, after working his magic — or his table service,

He shows up with two very young telochki, Lera and Olesya, that he's picked up at Soho Rooms. They're dressed like snow bunnies and have clearly had at least some skating classes between them. A stray thought visits me that Ovie has brought one of them to keep me company, but before I can figure out which one, it becomes rather obvious he's planning to keep both. Dressed in all white, complete with a white cap, he whooshes down the slushy ice-spraying a frozen margarita's worth on each dramatic stop-twirls, parodies figure-skating moves (impressively), snaps souvenir photos, rolls video, and takes turns making out with Lera while Olesya documents the proceedings and making out with Olesya while Lera does the documenting. While the calves and the lamb cavort, I hug the boards for an hour and a half. The girls giggle.

So, men of DC, should you worry about your women turning puck bunny now that Ovie is back in the States for the season? Not really.

If you compare Russia and America," he explains sagely, "they are two different worlds. People, cars, clothes. Girls' figures. Especially girls' figures. Why do you think that is, that when an American goes to Russia for a week, he stays for two extra weeks? Girls! And when a Russian goes to America for a week, he leaves in five days. I'm serious! There's a statistic! Ask any American about Russia. You know what they'll say."

Ovechkin With Love [GQ]