Soccer Page 181 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bayern Munich Had No Answer For Jadon Sancho
Super Cup matches are usually glorified friendlies—unless your team wins, then they’re vastly important—but they can still tell us something about the upcoming soccer season. This is doubly true when two bitter rivals battle over a trophy no one cares about, and so I’m prepared to declare Jadon Sanc...
CONMEBOL Bans Lionel Messi For Three Months, To The Delight Of Barcelona Fans
Lionel Messi’s 2019 Copa América odyssey is back with a vengeance. After receiving a one-match ban for his bizarre red card alteraction with Chile’s Gary Medel, Messi has been handed a three-month ban from CONMEBOL. According to a report by AFP, Messi was banned for his comments in the wake of Argen...
Soccer Team's Postgame Fireworks Canceled Due To Plague
If you were hoping to catch some fireworks after Saturday night’s Montreal Impact-Colorado Rapids soccer match, bad news: It’s off because of the damn plague....
FIFA Is Screwing Up The Women's World Cup
On Wednesday, FIFA approved the expansion of the 2023 Women’s World Cup from 24 teams to 32, ignoring concerns about match quality and financial investment in an attempt to capitalize on the growing popularity of women’s soccer. It’s a very FIFA move, as no entity is better at taking a good idea and...
Arsenal Are Not Fucking Around This Summer
When Arsenal lost in the Europa League final, it felt like the Gunners were well and truly fucked. That defeat, coupled with a third-consecutive Premier League finish outside the top four, consigned Arsenal to life outside the Champions League for the third year running, presumably a massive setback...
Here Are Some Potential Locations For FIFA's New Headquarters
According to a report from the New York Times, soccer federation and bribe repository FIFA is considering moving away from its longtime headquarters in Switzerland and setting up shop elsewhere. The Times speculates that potential host countries could potentially engage in an Amazon-style competitio...
Christian Pulisic Scores First Two Of What Are Sure To Be Hundreds Of Chelsea Goals
The start of Christian Pulisic’s first Premier League season is just 10 days away, though the former Wonderteen has only spent a few weeks with Chelsea after the USMNT lost the Gold Cup final. Has he had time to get up to speed and prepare for a grueling campaign? With the obvious caveat that presea...
Moroccan Soccer Player Tries To Quit In The Middle Of A Preseason Ass-Kicking
Turkish side Fenerbahce took on German giants Bayern Munich in a preseason friendly yesterday. Things did not go well for the Fenerbahce players, who were dominated throughout the game and lost 6-1. That performance earned them plenty of boos from the home fans, which were enough to drive team capta...
USWNT Coach Jill Ellis Steps Down After Five Years And Two World Cups
According to a report from the Equalizer, USWNT manager Jill Ellis will not return to coach the two-time defending World Cup champions for any more competitive games. Ellis’s contract expires on Wednesday, July 31, and though she and the U.S. Soccer Federation had a mutual option to extend it throug...
USMNT Rips U.S. Soccer's "False Accounting" And Odd Claims About Equal Pay
Last night, U.S. Soccer president Carlos Cordeiro dropped a letter and accompanying fact sheet supporting a claim that his federation invests more heavily in women’s soccer than men’s. Immediately afterwards, the USWNT called bullshit on Cordeiro’s selective numbers and creative accounting, and toda...
Brazilian Police Recommend Against Charging Neymar With Rape
Police in Brazil have closed their investigation into the rape allegation against Paris Saint-Germain star Neymar, and recommend that prosecutors not bring charges against him due to a lack of evidence. The prosecutor’s office will have 15 days to “evaluate the case,” according to the AFP....
U.S. Soccer Releases Dubious Numbers To Refute Claims Of Pay Inequality
U.S. Soccer president Carlos Cordeiro released a letter and accompanying fact sheet Monday evening intended to demonstrate that his federation invests more heavily in women’s soccer than it does in men’s. The purpose here is to refute the notion that men’s national team members are paid more than th...
Impish Messi Fan Delights In Beer-Soaked Chaos His Trolling Inspires
Soccer fans in the U.S. aren’t usually the most rambunctious sort. As one Lionel Messi stan found out during last Friday’s Real Madrid-Atlético Madrid friendly match in New Jersey, though, even American fans will resort to chucking beer and debris at you if properly provoked:...
Mesut Özil And Sead Kolašinac Attacked By Knife-Wielding Thieves While Driving In London
On Thursday afternoon, Arsenal players Mesut Özil and Sead Kolašinac were driving through London when a pair of assailants wielding knives attempted to rob them. Video of the event shows Kolašinac outside the car trying to fight off the would-be robbers, while Özil drives off:...
Idiot On The Pitch Is Nearly Trampled, Escapes Unscathed, Has Whiskers, Is A Cat
An idiot invaded the pitch in the 92nd minute of Wednesday night’s Leagues Cup Tournament match between Real Salt Lake and Liga MX side Tigres UANL, at a point when the game was very much still up for grabs. The absolute moron very nearly took the ball off the feet of Tigres player André-Pierre Gign...
Atlético Madrid's Beef With Barcelona Reaches New Levels Of Pettiness
Though it looked like the contentious Antoine Griezmann transfer saga was over once he officially signed with Barcelona, Atlético Madrid have refused to let it die. The latest news is that the Colchoneros have filed a complaint with La Liga in an attempt to block Griezmann’s registration with the Ca...
Marco Asensio's Knee Is The Latest Casualty Of Soccer's Money-Grubbing Friendlies
Marco Asensio’s 2019-20 season is over before it began, his torn ACL yet another pointless sacrifice to soccer’s financially motivated preseason schedule....
Hope Solo Petitions Court To Join USWNT's Equal Pay Mediation As The Designated Ass-Kicker
The USWNT will soon enter mediation with the U.S. Soccer Federation in an effort to resolve the team’s equal pay lawsuit. Former USWNT star Hope Solo is concerned about whether the current national team will have the kind of cussed hard-ass they’ll need on their side so that they don’t settle for an...
Cristiano Ronaldo Won't Face Rape Charges
Juventus forward Cristiano Ronaldo won’t face any criminal charges over an allegation that he raped a woman in a Las Vegas hotel in 2009, prosecutor Steve Wolfson said in a statement today, because Wolfson believes the charge can’t be proven beyond a reasonable doubt....
Josef Martínez's Hideous Penalty Kick Run-Up Ends In Humiliation
The reward for Josef Martínez’s frankly insane penalty kick routine is an unreadable technique that makes it easy to best keepers from the spot, as evidenced by the Atlanta United forward’s 14-for-16 penalty record in MLS. The risk is that it makes him look like a huge weirdo and sets him up for rid...