Soccer Page 190 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Old Man Wayne Rooney Got His Shit Wrecked
While he may not be carving up defense in MLS like he was during the second half of last season anymore, old man Wayne Rooney is still one of the league’s top scoring threats and teams are still figuring out the best way to stop him. The latest creative attempt came from New England Revolution keepe...
Adorable Soccer Lad Pulls Out Loose Tooth The Only Way He Knows How
The time in a kid’s life where a tooth becomes loose at seemingly a biweekly rate can be quite intimidating, but it can also lead to some wonderful ingenuity. Case in point, we have this young Rangers supporter named Luke, who figured that instead of just reaching into his mouth and yanking out some...
Colombian Soccer Player Found Dead Days After Family Reported Her Missing
Leidy Asprilla, a 22-year-old soccer player who had represented Colombia in youth international tournaments, was found dead off the side of a road yesterday. Her family reported her missing on Sunday after Asprilla left home to pick up a teammate for a training session but never arrived....
The Europa League Final Is Going To Be A Lowly Attended Disaster
The Europa League final is the debacle that keeps on giving. After Arsenal confirmed that midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan would not be playing the final in Baku, Azerbaijan due to his Armenian heritage, reports are coming out that the stadium might be half-empty for what is ostensibly the second bigge...
PSG President Charged For Alleged Bribery Over World Championships In Athletics Bid
If there’s one realm of sports more openly corrupt than soccer, it is international athletics competition. Further proof of this well-known fact comes from France, where reports today say Paris Saint-Germain president Nasser Al-Khelaifi has been charged with “active corruption” for allegedly bribing...
Borussia Dortmund Are Coming For Bayern Munich's Crown
While no one bottled the Premier League this season, it can be said that Borussia Dortmund blew it in their pursuit of the Bundesliga title. Dortmund had a nine-point lead over arch rivals Bayern Munich in late January, only to let it slip through their fingers. Rather than sit and stew about their ...
High School Soccer Player Scores Wondergoal With His Butt
Aside from the arms, every part of the human body is fair game when it comes to scoring goals in soccer. We’ve seen Clint Dempsey score with his dick, and Chicharito score off his face. But it takes a true visionary to turn away from the action, thrust out your hips, and do it with the butt....
FIFA Screws Up Ticket Sales For Women's World Cup, Does Terrible Job At Apologizing
Soccer fans who purchased tickets to attend the Women’s World Cup in France this summer were finally able to download their pre-ordered tickets on Monday. Many who had bought groups of tickets were understandably pissed off at discovering that not all of their seats would be together....
Arsenal's Henrikh Mkhitaryan Will Not Play In Europa League Final Because UEFA Can't Guarantee His Safety
Arsenal announced on Tuesday that star midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan will not be joining the club in Baku, Azerbaijan for the Europa League final against Chelsea due to safety concerns, depriving the London club one of its best players for what seem to be entirely avoidable reasons....
Be Horrified By Manchester City For The Right Reasons
On Saturday, Watford were set alight and consumed by flames in the latest sacrificial ritual attesting to the almighty powers of Manchester City. The smoke from that immolation announced City as champions of the F.A. Cup, winners of the first domestic treble in English soccer history, and legitimate...
Gareth Bale Deserved Better
As Real Madrid’s worst domestic season since the turn of the century came to a close under a chorus of boos from the Bernabéu faithful, Gareth Bale sulked. As was all too common during this miserable season, Bale was purely a spectator for Madrid’s 0-2 loss to Real Betis, watching from the bench but...
Soccer Referee Dies After Suffering Heart Attack During A Match In Bolivia
Víctor Hugo Hurtado was refereeing Sunday’s Bolivian first division match between Always Ready and Oriente Petrolero when he collapsed on the pitch midgame due to a reported heart attack. Stadium support staff took Hurtado to a local hospital, where the 31-year-old suffered another heart attack and ...
Suso Channels His Inner Messi With A Near-Perfect Free Kick To Keep Milan's Champions League Hopes Alive
AC Milan’s dreams of qualifying for the Champions League are still alive for now. Their 2-0 win over the already-relegated Frosinone brought them just one point behind fourth-place Inter Milan for the final Italian spot in the competition. That lead was secured thanks to the incredible accuracy of S...
Vincent Kompany Is Leaving Manchester City To Become Player-Manager Of Belgium's RSC Anderlecht
After 11 pretty darn successful seasons with Manchester City, Vincent Kompany wrote in an open letter on his Facebook page that the FA Cup final marked the end of his time at the club. In a follow-up post, he announced his next career endeavor would be becoming player-manager of Belgian club RSC And...
Lyon Trounce Barcelona To Win Fourth Consecutive Women's Champions League Title
Lyon cruised through the Women’s Champions League final and defeated Barcelona 4-1 to win the club’s fourth consecutive UCL title. After scoring four goals in 30 minutes—which included a 17-minute hat-trick from Ada Hegerberg—Lyon were able to sit back, relax and enjoy the remaining hour of game tim...
Happy Trails To Lazar Marković, A Hero To Underachievers Everywhere
Lazar Marković is not a good soccer player. It would even be fair to describe him as an actively bad one, at least relative to the level expected of players at the clubs that have paid him a sizable salary to do anything but play soccer for them these past few years. And yet, until today, Marković h...
Santi Cazorla Completes His Resurrection By Earning A Spanish National Team Spot
The last time Santi Cazorla played for the Spanish national team, Donald Trump wasn’t President, Vine still existed, and Real Madrid only had one Champions League this decade. The date was November 14, 2015, and Cazorla had scored against England in a 2-0 friendly win. The wheels almost literally fe...
Idiot Portsmouth Fan Arrested For Hitting Sunderland Player Who Fell Into The Stands
In the lower levels of English soccer, fans often are nasty, brutish, and short-tempered. We saw evidence of this in March when an idiot stormed the field mid-game to sucker-punch a player, and we saw even more yesterday, when a Portsmouth fan punched and kicked Sunderland’s Luke O’Nien after the pl...
Massimiliano Allegri And Juventus Are Breaking Up
After five wildly successful years, Juventus released a statement today saying that the club and manager Massimiliano Allegri would be parting ways at the end of this season....
This British Lad's Body Art Is Quickly Becoming A Chronicle Of Failed Soccer Predictions
Meet Jamie. He’s a Leeds United supporter who was proper chuffed when his beloved club made it to the English Championship playoff semifinal, and was likely chuffed even further after they took a 1-0 lead against Derby County in the first leg. Jamie was so excited, in fact, that he decided to preemp...