Soccer Page 197 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Old Man Wayne Rooney Has Officially Dragged D.C. United Into The Playoffs
Three months after sitting at the bottom of the MLS’s Eastern Conference playoff race, D.C. United have secured a playoff spot, thanks to the efforts of Old Man Wayne Rooney. He scored two goals in today’s 3-1 victory against NYCFC to make the postseason berth official....
![Lionel Messi Taken Off After Painful Arm Injury Against Sevilla [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/x9jprgtbxs0vha0cgaiy.gif)
Lionel Messi Taken Off After Painful Arm Injury Against Sevilla [Update]
Lionel Messi was subbed off in the 15th minute of Barcelona’s match against Sevilla on Saturday after suffering an apparent injury to his arm or elbow. The Argentinian was chasing after the ball and ran into a defending Sevilla player, forcing him to land awkwardly. Messi writhed in pain on the pitc...

José Mourinho No Longer Tolerates Over-Celebrating, Apparently
After a second Anthony Martial goal put Manchester United up 2-1 against Chelsea in the 73rd minute, it looked like José Mourinho had inspired his side, yet again, to put in a second-half comeback performance to seal a win. Three point would have given Mourinho his first victory at Stamford Bridge s...

Old Man Wayne Rooney Adds Ridiculous Free-Kick Goal To MLS Highlight Reel
Former Manchester United star Wayne Rooney’s first season in MLS was already a huge success before last night’s game against Toronto. He came into it with nine goals and seven assists in 18 appearances, and as the owner of one of the best soccer highlights you’ll ever see. In the 18th minute of last...

Jamaica Earns Country's First-Ever Women's World Cup Berth
Jamaica’s women’s national team will be going to the World Cup for the first time in the team’s history after beating Panama on penalties in the third-place game at the CONCACAF qualifying tournament. With this win, the team also becomes the first Caribbean nation ever to qualify for the Women’s Wor...

Mar Ibarra, Mexican Women's Soccer Pioneer, Found Beaten To Death
Marbella “Mar” Ibarra—one of the foremost promoters of women’s soccer in Mexico—was found dead early Monday morning in El Rosarito, Baja California, according to that state’s attorney general. Her body was found covered in a blanket, and her hands and feet were tied, El Sol de Tijuana reported. She ...

Iranian Official: Women Will Not Be Allowed Into Soccer Stadiums Again Because "Half-Naked" Athletes Will Make Them Too Horny
Yesterday, Iran put together a cheap little PR stunt in order to pretend the government cares about its wildly retrograde prohibition against women attending live soccer matches by allowing a handpicked selection of ladies to enter Azadi Stadium to watch a friendly match between Iran and Bolivia. Ho...

World-Class Asshole Sergio Ramos Proves He Did Not Stomp On Raheem Sterling
Well what do you know, it turns out that world-class asshole Sergio Ramos was actually innocent of this one incident of assholery against Raheem Sterling in Monday’s Spain-England match....

Report: Barcelona Distancing Ronaldinho And Rivaldo From Club After Players Endorse Jair Bolsonaro
Barcelona have decided to reduce the presence of former players Ronaldinho and Rivaldo at club-related activities—like legends games and sponsorship events—after the two Brazilians announced their support for Jair Bolsonaro, a far-right presidential candidate in Brazil....

Sydney Leroux Dwyer Reveals She Recently Suffered A Miscarriage
USWNT forward Sydney Leroux Dwyer said Monday that she was away from the NWSL’s Orlando Pride for most of August because she had suffered a miscarriage. She revealed that the “undisclosed illness” which kept her from playing was in fact the loss of a pregnancy....
![This Sure Looks Like World-Class Asshole Sergio Ramos Stomping On Raheem Sterling [Update: Ramos Is Innocent]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/undskortwl3k61cjdlck.gif)
This Sure Looks Like World-Class Asshole Sergio Ramos Stomping On Raheem Sterling [Update: Ramos Is Innocent]
Update [Oct. 17, 10:04 a.m.]: Today Sergio Ramos posted a video that proves he did not actually stomp on Raheem Sterling. The original version of this post can be found below....

Maybe Paco Alcácer Sold His Soul To The Devil For The Power To Score Whenever He Wants
Though Paco Alcácer’s goal today came when Spain were already down big in their UEFA Nations League match against England, the weight of the scoreline was never going to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upward in delight. Alcácer had stepped over the sideline and into a 3-0 hiding in the 5...

One Of The World's Worst Soccer Teams Scores One Of Its Best Ever Goals
The history of the Montserrat soccer team is brief and inglorious. The tiny Caribbean nation has only been competing on the international stage since 1991, and in that time they’ve played 36 matches, managed just five wins, scored 33 times, and given up an eye-watering 161 goals to opponents. We are...

Look! On The Pitch! It's Messi! It's Ronaldo! It's A Goalie Goal!
If you’re going to score a goal as a keeper, you might as well be like KRC Gent’s Kevin Frans in Belgium’s fourth division yesterday and make it a stoppage time, point-saving wonder strike of an overhead kick. You’ll probably only get one—maybe two—in your whole career, so you’d better make it count...

Gibraltar Wins First Competitive Match In Its History
History was made at the Vazgen Sargsyan Republican Stadium in the Armenian capital on Saturday as Gibraltar won its first ever competitive match, beating Armenia 1-0. The self-governing territory was first officially recognized by UEFA in 2013 and had lost 22 competitive matches since, including all...

Browns Owner Jimmy Haslam Will Help Keep The Columbus Crew In Town
The Crew have been saved after all. ...

French Police Investigate Whether PSG's Champions League Blowout Of Red Star Was Fixed
French newspaper L’Équipe has a report today that says the recent Champions League match between Paris Saint-Germain and Red Star Belgrade is currently being investigated by UEFA and the French authorities for possibly being fixed....

Usain Bolt, Aspiring Soccer Player, Scores Two Goals In His First Start
Usain Bolt’s conversion from track star to soccer player continues apace. In August, Bolt got his first taste of the footy when he came off the bench for Australian team Central Coast Mariners in a friendly match and actually acquitted himself fairly decently. He built on that performance today, mak...

Let Us Now Enjoy Two Thrilling USMNT Goals, Truly The Only Meaningful Events In The Colombia Friendly
The fresh and interesting Americans—also Michael Bradley was there—responded to Colombia’s first-half onslaught with a couple of goals early in the second half to take a by-God lead! And that was all that happened!...

James Rodriguez Defies The Laws Of Physics And Ruins Some American Scrubs
A squad of Team USA kids who are mostly less interesting than the American soccer boys who are currently injured—and also this guy who looks just like Michael Bradley oh God wait that’s actually somehow Michael Bradley—is getting wildly overmatched by a World Cup-caliber Colombian team in a Tampa fr...