Soccer Page 201 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Thomas Müller Sent Off For Karate-Kicking Opponent Upside The Head Like A True Maniac
Bayern Munich will advance into the Champions League knockout rounds atop their group after a wild draw with Ajax today that saw two red cards within eight minutes of each other and four goals after the 82nd minute. Bayern had to score their equalizing and go-ahead goals without Thomas Müller on the...
It Must Suck So Hard To Be A Manchester United Fan
Try, if only for a moment, to go inside the mind of a Manchester United fan....
World-Famous Atlanta Strip Club Welcomes In A Little-Known Soccer Trophy For Some Booty Dancing
Millions of young boys around the world dream of one day making it inside Magic City, Atlanta’s internationally renowned strip club. Very few of those dreamers imagine it will be success in America’s bootleg soccer competition that will bring them there, but, for dreams, ends matter more than means....
Ousmane Dembélé Clowns Two Tottenham Defenders And Dunks The Ball Into The Net
Ousmane Dembélé just gave Barcelona the lead against Tottenham in the Champions League by flying past defender Kyle Walker-Peters with an absolutely insulting big touch and then sitting midfielder Harry Winks on his ass with his trademark fake shot before slamming the ball past goalkeeper Hugo Llori...
Of Course Lionel Messi Has Become A Master Of Free Kicks
Lionel Messi is slowing down. It’s a painful thing to admit, but it’s true. As the old saw goes, Father Time is undefeated, and there is no greater testament to how unbelievable Messi was at his peak than the fact that he remains far and away the best player in the world in spite of Father Time’s ef...
Chelsea Ban Four Fans In Conjunction With Alleged Racist Abuse Of Raheem Sterling
While local police investigate an incident during Saturday’s Chelsea-Manchester City match during which a Chelsea fan was caught on camera allegedly yelling racist shit at Raheem Sterling, Chelsea have identified four fans suspected of being involved and have banned them from attending matches while...
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Glad He No Longer Plays With Selfish Assholes Like Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo obviously loves himself some Cristiano Ronaldo. But you know who Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t love? Teammates who act like Cristiano Ronaldo....
Boca Juniors Take Copa Libertadores Lead Via This Absolutely Gorgeous Nahitan Nández <em></em>Pass
The second leg of the infamously delayed Copa Libertadores final is happening today in Madrid; the soccer knowers will have more and better things to say about it than I could. I just want to call attention to this stunning 45th-minute pass from Boca Juniors’ Nahitan Nández, ahead to a streaking Dar...
Raheem Sterling Calls Out Newspapers For "Fueling Racism" After Allegedly Dealing With Racial Abuse At Chelsea
In an Instagram post on Sunday, Manchester City forward Raheem Sterling accused English publications of helping to “fuel racism” with the way they portray young black players in the media. The accusation came in the wake of Saturday’s game against Chelsea, where Sterling allegedly faced racial abuse...
Atlanta United's MLS Cup Victory Ends Michael Parkhurst's Agonizing Championship Drought
The city of Atlanta has a championship for the first time since 1995 thanks to the efforts of second-year MLS franchise Atlanta United. In front of an MLS Cup-record crowd of 73,019, United defeated the Portland Timbers 2-0 to bring their immaculate sophomore season to a close. ...
Thank God David Silva's Hair Transplant Is Finally Taking Root
David Silva has long been one of the most aesthetically pleasing players in soccer, mostly because he is a wizard with the ball at his feet but also due to a handsome look that married strong, angular facial features with what was a delightfully messy mop of hair. Then last year he buzzed off that f...
Josh Sargent Makes Strong Case For Wonderteenhood By Scoring On His Bundesliga Debut<em></em>
Redheaded American forward Josh Sargent—probably the first- or second-most likely American teenager to inherit the mantle of “Wonderteen” from Christian Pulisic—has been behind in the pecking order for striker-rich Bundesliga squad Werder Bremen for most of the season. However, this afternoon, the 1...
Crystal Palace's Training Ground Kitchen Given Zero-Star Food Hygiene Rating After Mouse Infestation
The United Kingdom’s Food Standard Agency revealed that a training facility kitchen belonging to Premier League club Crystal Palace received a food hygiene rating of 0 out of a possible five. The agency’s website notes that the score means that “urgent improvement is required” in areas like food han...
Ronaldo's Sisters Should Probably Chill Out
After Real Madrid’s Luka Modric won the Ballon d’Or yesterday, becoming the first person not named Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo to earn the award since 2007, Ronaldo’s sisters were extremely salty about it....
Heroic Doggy Keeper Rescues Blundering Human Keeper With Great, Adorable Save
Juventud Unida beat Defensores de Belgrano 3-0 on Sunday in Argentina’s third division. The home team would’ve won by even more after a goalkeeping boner gifted Juventud the ball and an open net, but for the perfectly timed intervention by the most adorable and effective idiot on the field we’ve yet...
David Moyes Is The Most Interested Man In The World
Southampton fired Mark Hughes today after finally realizing what was evident to just about everyone the day he got the manager position there, which is that things were almost certainly not going to work out. And like your unemployed cousin who desperately needs a job so he can finally move out of y...
Tottenham Fan Arrested For Throwing Banana At Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang<em></em>
London police arrested seven people following Sunday’s wild North London Derby, which Arsenal won with a 4-2 beatdown on Tottenham. One of the seven was a Tottenham fan who threw a banana on the field at Gabonese forward Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang after Aubameyang scored a penalty in the tenth minute...
Jurgen Klopp Invades Pitch And Leaps Into Keeper's Arms After Late Liverpool Winner
Jurgen Klopp’s emotional sideline outbursts have almost become commonplace since he became Liverpool’s manager in 2015. But the German displayed a new level of excitement during his team’s 1-0 win over Everton. Divock Origi took advantage of a goalkeeping mistake from Jordan Pickford, and broke the ...
Tortured Hiring Process For USMNT Coaching Job Finally Ends The Way Everyone Knew It Would
U.S. Soccer finally made it official: Gregg Berhalter, who has spent the past five years coaching the Columbus Crew, will be the new coach of the U.S. men’s national team, as has been evident for months. Before falling in line behind a coach, who, by nearly all accounts, is respected and capable, le...
Afghanistan Football Federation Members Accused Of Sexually Abusing Women's National Team Players
The Guardian has a report today in which multiple figures involved in Afghanistan women’s soccer exposed what they say is a culture of abuse of the female national team’s players on the part of prominent male figures in the Afghanistan Football Federation. One former captain of the women’s team and ...