Soccer Page 203 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Super Nice Soccer Guy Rewarded For His Compassion With Easiest Goal Of His Life
The next time someone says nice guys finish last, show them this video of Maccabi Petah Tikva striker Habib Habibou tending to a hurt teammate and being gifted with a tap-in because of it, and you will have irrefutably proven the power of good karma:...
Dutch Soccer Fans Hire Stripper To Run On Field And Distract Opponents
Black and yellow streamers fell from the sky near the Rijnsburgse Boys goal in the 12th minute of their match against AFC on Saturday, as if to announce the coming of a celebration or a gift. A gift indeed soon came, as a local stripper ran out onto the pitch wearing nothing but shoes, socks, and so...
Report: Not Even FIFA Wants To Back This Stupid European Super League
Arguably the most corrupt sporting body in the world announced on Wednesday that it would actively work against the potential creation of a breakaway European Super League. The announcement was in response to a report from Der Spiegel that showed clubs like Bayern Munich and Real Madrid were alleged...
José Mourinho Caps Quintessential Win With Quintessential Assholery
Juventus had little trouble bossing Manchester United in the Champions League today. The Italian team was in control for the vast majority of the match and, if not for some shaky finishing, probably would’ve won with ease. But even during this struggle of a season, United manager José Mourinho prove...
Raheem Sterling Wins A Penalty By Tripping Over Himself
In today’s match against Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City star Raheem Sterling did something incredibly embarrassing when he blew a very good scoring opportunity by tripping over his own feet. Luckily for him, the referee followed that blunder with an even more monumental failure of his own when he...
James McClean's Refusal To Wear The Poppy Has Made Him The Most Hated Man In English Soccer
In England, Halloween ends and gives way to November in various ways: Pumpkins left on doorsteps begin their neglected descent into rot; the seasonal coffee flavoring changes to gingerbread; James McClean begins receiving death threats from a certain brand of soccer fan, including among his own supp...
Report: Man Burns Down His Friend's House Over Argentine Soccer Rivalry
The rivalry between Boca Juniors and River Plate, the two biggest clubs in Argentine soccer, is dubbed the Superclásico. This “Super” qualifier isn’t meant to imply that the game’s quality is typically better than Spain’s more heralded Clásico. Instead, it’s a reference to the fans, who are super-ch...
Brazilian Soccer Player Found Dead After Being Castrated And "Nearly Decapitated"
On Oct. 27, the mutilated body of Brazilian soccer player Daniel Correa was found in the woods outside of São José dos Pinhais, a city near São Paulo in southern Brazil. Correa, a midfielder with São Bento on loan from Série A club São Paulo, was found by police “nearly decapitated” and castrated. O...
Mohamed Salah Is Officially A Great Player Now That He Has A Creepy Statue In His Likeness
Last season, Liverpool forward Mohamed Salah went a long way toward consecrating his status as an all-time great by scoring the most goals ever in a single 38-game Premier League season. This weekend, Salah saw his legendary case strengthened even further when someone made an ugly statue of him....
DC United's Nick DeLeon Scores Clutch Game-Tying Goal, Then Chokes Away Decisive Penalty Kick
Well this was all very dramatic. DC United were down 2–1 in the 116th minute of Thursday night’s knockout round match against Columbus Crew, until Nick DeLeon ripped home a clutch equalizer from the edge of the box off a blown clearance....
Scottish Soccer Fan Punches Goalkeeper In The Face, While Another Beans Manager With A Coin
The behavior of two asshole fans threatened to ruin the spectacle of yesterday’s Scottish Premiership match between rivals Hearts and Hibernian. One of the assholes punched Hearts’ keeper in the face in the middle of the match, and the other chucked a coin at Hibs’ manager, striking the coach square...
Christian Pulisic Went Off Today
An update on Christian Pulisic, American superstar: he is still extremely good at soccer. Today, in a DFB Pokal win over Union Berlin, he had a goal, an assist, a drawn game-winning penalty, and whatever this shit this move was. ...
New Footage Shows The Moment Leicester City Owner's Helicopter Spun Out Of Control
A recently released video taken from the pitch of Leicester City’s stadium on Saturday shows the exact moment a helicopter, which was carrying Leicester’s owner, Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha, and four other passengers, began to spiral out of control before crashing and exploding, killing everyone on boa...
Mohamed Salah Is Smiling Again
There was a minor inquest into Mohamed Salah’s state of mind following Liverpool’s comprehensive victory against Red Star in the Champions League last week. Salah scored twice in the 4-0 ass-kicking, but both of his post-goal reactions were noticeably subdued. The same was true after his goal the we...
Keepers Wield More Than Just Guesswork In The Battle Against Penalty Kicks
Penalty kicks are bad. They’re dramatic and can be a fascinating experience out of context, but we don’t get to experience them out of context. We have to deal with penalties as a clumsy method of deterring fouls in the box and as a makeshift solution to tied games dragging on forever. The fact that...
Even The Mighty Premier League Must Bow Before The Power Of America's Stupidest Sport
Though I am a big fan of European soccer, I am an even bigger fan of massive, gaudy manifestations of American exceptionalism. And what better display of the U.S. in all its decadence and sun-blotting self-regard than us having our biggest, dumbest sport that nobody else cares about ruin the pitch o...
Julen Lopetegui Shit-Canned From The Job Of His Dreams Four Months After Being Shit-Canned From The Job Of His Dreams<em></em>
Pour one out for Julen Lopetegui, who has had just about the worst possible year a soccer manager can have. Real Madrid fired Lopetegui this afternoon, one day after an embarrassing 5-1 ass-kicking by Messi-less Barcelona, thus ending a nightmare of a year....
Barcelona Crushed Real Madrid And The Endless Cycle Of Death And Rebirth Begins Anew
Sunday’s edition of El Clásico between Barcelona and Real Madrid might have lacked the star-power and extraterrestrial individual greatness that Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo—both absent from the match for the first time in 11 years—always brought to the affair, but that doesn’t mean this world...
Soccer Guy Gets Yellow Card For Celebrating Goal By Proposing To His Girlfriend
Eduard Bello, 23, a Venezuelan midfielder for Antofagasta, a club in the Chilean first division, scored in the second minute yesterday to give his side the early lead over Everton CD. Then he ran off the field and into the stands to propose to his girlfriend, Venezuelan beach volleyball player Gabri...
This Weekend Is The First <i>Clásico</i> Of The Rest Of Our Lives
The defining feature of the past decade of international soccer has been the enduring struggle of two opposing forces: Lionel Messi vs. Cristiano Ronaldo, Barcelona vs. Real Madrid. Two of the very best soccer players to ever live, their abilities maximized to the fullest extent possible thanks to m...