Soccer Page 230 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Chicharito And Pablo Zabaleta Crack Each Other Up With Jokes They Don't Understand
For evidence of the contagious nature of laughter, just watch this video of Spanish-speaking West Ham players Javier Hernández and Pablo Zabaleta telling each other pun-heavy jokes in English. Note how they and you, the viewer, melt into giggly puddles even though they very clearly don’t have the sl...
Sad, Rich Teen Gianluigi Donnarumma Has Pissed Off AC Milan Fans Again
Gianluigi Donnarumma is a teenaged, homegrown superstar-in-the-making who plays for one of the biggest clubs in the world, AC Milan. In terms of fan adoration, these facts should put him somewhere on the spectrum between “Spurs fans who’d let Harry Kane make love to their mothers if it would make hi...
Argentine Soccer Club Suspended A Year And Relegated After Savagely Beating Three Referees
Late last month, Juventud de Pergamino hosted Independiente de Chivilcoy in an Argentine lower-division match. During the game, the head referee showed a Juventud player a justified red card. This event sparked a massive brawl in which a number of Juventud players and fans attacked the three referee...
Ball Ricochets Off Icelandic Player's Face For Humiliating Own Goal
An own goal is going to be embarrassing in any context; it’ll be worse if you’re already down 3-1; it’ll be way worse if the ball ricochets off your own big stupid face when one of your teammates tries to deflect the shot in order to score said own goal. But that last one is exactly what befell poor...
USMNT Starlet Josh Sargent Inadvertently Offers Scathing Indictment Of MLS<em></em>
Josh Sargent is one of the hottest American soccer prospects in the U.S. Soccer system. In three weeks, the 17-year-old will ship off to Germany as he prepares to sign his first professional contract with Werder Bremen. The St. Louis native has starred for the U.S. U-17 team, the U-20 team, and even...
Soccer Player Crumples In Shame After Sending Penalty Kick Straight To The Moon
When standing over a late, potentially match-winning penalty against top-of-the-table opposition, as Zwolle captain Bram van Polen found himself in yesterday’s game against AZ Alkmaar, the last thing you want your resulting shot attempt to inspire in the crowd is an immediate wave of shocked horror....
Danny Williams: Bruce Arena Let His Affinity For MLS Ruin World Cup Qualification
Barring any individual or group ticket purchases, the United States soccer team will not be attending next summer’s World Cup. The general consensus places a good deal of the blame for on the nightmarishly incompetent coaching job done by MLS lifer Bruce Arena. Due to his conservatism, passionate d...
Manchester United Fan Is Fookin' Pissed About Losing The Fookin' Derby
Lest you think Arsenal fans have a monopoly on incensed postgame rants helpfully broadcast on fan-driven Youtube channels, here is a completely apoplectic Manchester United supporter doing his best Troopz impression right after the derby loss. Could’ve used a few more “bloods” and “fams,” but very s...
Sadio Mané Really Fucked Up
Sadio Mané isn’t the sole reason Liverpool failed to beat Everton in a match they completely controlled everywhere except on the scoresheet. You could and probably should blame the referee for awarding Everton an exceptionally soft penalty from which the Toffees scored their only good chance of the ...
They Should Probably Just Give Manchester City The Premier League Title Already
The best big games are clarifying. They’re matches in which the enormity of the moment can turn anyone watching into a fidgeting mess, and in which both teams are given the opportunity to match the game’s magnitude with a peak performance. The moment elevates the performances rather than engulfs it,...
Diego Maradona Gets His Own Weird Statue In India
One of the hottest trends in sports is honoring famous soccer players with hideous busts and gross renderings of their likenesses, and Diego Maradona wasn’t going to be left out. ...
Report: Someone Threw A Pint Of Milk At Jose Mourinho During City-United Dust-Up
Manchester City beat Manchester United 2-1 at Old Trafford yesterday, and apparently, as City were celebrating after the game in the visitors’ locker room, United manager Jose Mourinho took exception to some of the noise—which the visitors then took exception to in hilarious, milky fashion....
The Champions League Round Of 16 Draw Is So Good
After yet another predictable Champions League group stage, we now get to the good stuff with the start of the knockout rounds. And this year’s Round of 16 looks like it will be great. Just look at these tantalizing matchups:...
Jürgen Klopp Throws Extended Temper Tantrum Over Late Everton Penalty
Wayne Rooney slammed home a late penalty today to bring underdog Everton even with Liverpool, in what would eventually be a 1-1 draw. No penalty has ever been given in the history of soccer without the penalized side being fucking apoplectic, but this one, well, judge for yourself:...
The "Art Modell Law" Might Be Columbus's Best Shot At Keeping The Crew
The Columbus Crew’s season is over, but the fight over where they’ll play the 2019 season is becoming increasingly heated. Despite it being a horrendous breach of trust with the city of Columbus and an affront to MLS’ bizarre, artificially deflated business model, MLS czar Don Garber is apparently c...
Hope Solo Is Running For President Of U.S. Soccer
Former USWNT star keeper Hope Solo has thrown her hat into the ring and announced that she’ll be running for president of the U.S. Soccer Federation, for some reason....
Ugly Soccer Match Becomes Much Better After Dog Invades The Pitch
Macedonian club Vardar hosted Norway’s Rosenborg in blah blah blah oh wow, look at this cute doggy that interrupted the game!...
Soccer Coach Suffers Brutal, Non-Existent Agony After A "Headbutt"
FourFourTwo published this wonderful video of Defensor Sporting’s Alejandro Acevedo pretend-crashing to the ground in pretend anguish over a pretend headbutt from a linesman. Acevedo’s cronies swarmed to drag him back to his feet....
Liverpool's Attack Is Absolutely Terrifying
Spartak Moscow’s Aleksandr Selikhov isn’t the only keeper who, in the midst of a match against Liverpool, after seeing the ball fly past him for the first or third or fifth time of the day, has found himself sitting there on his haunches in dejection, praying that it had all been some terrible dream...