Soccer Page 264 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jurgen Klinsmann Blew It
The United States Men’s National Team will probably qualify for the 2018 World Cup in Russia. Yes, they are trailing Guatemala and Trinidad and Tobago in the Group C standings. Yes, they have played conservatively without the defensive ability to make that style work. A day after the U.S. got humili...
Burkina Faso’s National Team Is Playing For Liberty (And Money)
Burkina Faso hosts Uganda tomorrow at Ouagadougou’s Stade du 4 Août 1983, with qualification for the 2017 Africa Cup of Nations on the line. For members and staff of Les Étalons, though, the match represents more than just the next step in the march toward Gabon....
Aleksandar Mitrovic Celebrates With Idiot On The Field After Scoring A Late Equalizer
Newcastle tied up Sunderland late to secure a 1-1 draw. Aleksandar Mitrovic scored the equalizer, and was understandably pumped since it came in the 83rd minute against a rival. Mitrovic ran away from all his buddies to celebrate with this jeans-wearing Geordie....
Report: It's Mourinho Time, Baby!
The best parts of the first half of this very weird Premier League season were most certainly Chelsea melting down and playing like dogpiss and also all the wacky hijinks José Mourinho got himself into. Now, according to El Pais (Sp.), our hero has signed a “pre-contract agreement” with Manchester U...
Juve's Loss Ensures England Holds Onto Its Fourth Champions League Spot, For Now
Bayern Munich’s impressive comeback victory against Juventus today had a farther-reaching effect than just sending Bayern into the Champions League quarterfinals: it ensured that England will hold onto its four Champions League spots for at least another year....
FIFA Admits World Cup Bribes, Wants That Money Back From The U.S.
You can say many things about FIFA, but you can never say it doesn’t really like money, or that it doesn’t have enormous fucking balls....
Runaway Bull Makes For Very Intimidating Pitch Invader
This rambunctious bovine wanted to join some Australian youths in their soccer game after escaping his nearby paddock. Unfortunately, the kids were very rude and refused to pass him the ball, so he had to retreat back to the forest. ...
Nobody Could Get Into The NYCFC Game At Yankee Stadium Because Of The Yankees' Stupid Ticket Policies
Hey remember how the Yankees changed their ticket policies to no longer accept print-at-home tickets? NYCFC, who also play in Yankee Stadium for some reason, announced Friday that they were planning to stop taking paper tickets too. They have a game today, two days later. In their release, the team ...
The Maddening Futility Of Arsenal, In One Play
Arsenal crashed out of their specialty competition (the FA Cup) this morning after a 2-1 loss to Watford. Since they probably aren’t gonna beat Barcelona by the two goals they need to to take their Champions League tie, and the EPL looks like a more distant prospect every week, the FA Cup was their ...
Let's Watch Some Diego Maradona Highlights For No Good Reason
The other day I went down a YouTube rabbithole trying to find a song to pair with a video to make a meme (don’t ask), and ended up watching Diego Maradona highlights for an hour. I know all about la mano de Dios, his absolute filleting of England during the 1986 World Cup, and of course the absurdit...
The Skeptics' MLS Season Preview
There are plenty of reasons not to watch MLS. The soccer’s kinda boring, there’s a healthy dose of Soviet-ish central planning to the whole operation, and the league’s marketing is extremely “How Do You Do, Fellow Kids?” If you’re hoping for EPL quality or at least Argentine Second Division quality,...
The North London Derby Was Great For Leicester City
After losing Francis Coquelin to a red card and down 2-1, Arsenal looked more fraught than they’d ever been during their long, slow settling from Premier League favorites to title outsiders. Three weeks ago, they were two points behind Leicester, with ambitions to upset Barcelona in the Champions Le...
Kevin Nash And Brandi Chastain Will Donate Their Brains To CTE Researchers
Former pro wrestler Kevin Nash and former women’s soccer player Brandi Chastain both announced that they will donate their brains to Boston University’s Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy Center after their deaths. There, the brains will be studied for signs of CTE....
Jürgen Klopp Was Highly Amused By Bayern Munich's Loss
Liverpool manager Jürgen Klopp saw his team smash Manchester City 3-0 today, but after the game was more focused on the Bundesliga, where leaders Bayern Munich lost 2-1 at home to Mainz 05. Klopp played for Mainz for a decade and managed them for seven years, and was quite pleased with their takedow...
Julian Büscher's First Professional Goal Is A Long-Range Doozy
DC United just got knocked out of the quarterfinals of the CONCACAF Champions League, 3-1 on aggregate by Mexican side Querétaro. At least their lone goal—scored by German rookie Julian Büscher, in his second ever match for the club—was an absolute beauty, as Buescher smacked in a fishtailing rocket...
Cussing British Guy Soundtracks Mohamed Sanu's Marriage Proposal At The League Cup Final
Bengals wide receiver Mohamed Sanu went to the League Cup final today a single man, and left hitched. A full Wembley Stadium isn’t the most intimate setting for a proposal, but it makes up for that with grandeur and the surprise factor....
How The Hell Did Alberto Moreno Get Away With This Tackle?
I mean, c’mon man. This is, I suppose, what happens when you have a reputation as a diver, even the obvious calls can look like acting....
Atlético Madrid Have Cristiano Ronaldo Shook
Atlético Madrid beat their crosstown rivals Real Madrid in the league at the Santiago Bernabéu today thanks to Antoine Griezmann’s nifty little goal. Ronaldo missed a similar shot right before Griezmann nailed his chance, and Atlético’s fearsome defense held their rivals scoreless. Today, Atlético b...
Report: Tim Howard Is Heading Back To MLS
According to a report from ESPNFC’s Jeff Carlisle, USMNT keeper Tim Howard is on his way back to MLS to mind the net for the Colorado Rapids, who had one of their keepers do this not two years ago. Per the report, Howard dropped his insane $5 million per year demand and accepted a three-year contrac...
Dutch Guy Chips Like Four Dudes To Score World-Class Goal
Look at all the dang dudes our friend Jonhatan Opoku chips here. I’m gonna lump the keeper and that last hapless center back in as a pair, making four....