Soccer Page 279 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arsenal Starlet Gedion Zelalem Gets U.S. Citizenship; USMNT Fans Rejoice
We're gonna get Gedion, we're gonna get Gedion! Nanna nanna boo boo, Germany, go stick your hand in scheiße!...
EPL Manager, Fed Up With This Shit, Leaves Good Team For Bad One
In what has been a whirlwind turn of events over the past day, Alan Pardew has left Newcastle after four years in favor of taking up the Crystal Palace job. It is a surprising decision to say the least....
Liverpool Score One Of The Most Ridiculous, Hilarious Goals Of The Year
Łukasz Fabiański wishes he had this one back, as the Swansea keeper's attempt to clear the ball instead found its target of Liverpool midfielder Adam Lallana's chest, against which it ricocheted directly into Swansea's goal....
Angry Soccer Guy Gets All In Another Soccer Guy's Face, Gets Kissed
It's always funny when athletes go head-to-head in anger, shouting at each other with their lips mere inches apart. You always watch to see if their mouths touch. Well, one soccer dude removed all the ambiguity from this tête-à-tête when he blatantly smooched his opponent right on the mouth. How cut...
Fernando Torres Set To Rejoin Boyhood Club Atlético Madrid
Just when it was looking like no one wanted to host the once great Fernando Torres's final years in the sport, the club that gave him his start, Atlético Madrid, has come in to rescue him. As the headline from Madrid sports daily AS reads, El Niño—the kid—returns as a man....
Player Gets Red Card For Hacking Down His Own Brother
I mean, I get it. Sometimes, brothers suck. Sometimes, shit gets heated. Sometimes, there's nothing to do but take a running start, slide two feet through the back of their legs, and deal with Ma Dukes later....
Viggo Mortensen Calls Cristiano Ronaldo A Pretty Boy Choke Artist
Viggo Mortensen—the NYC-born, Buenos Aires-raised Danish-American actor most famous for playing Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings movies—is a humongous fan of Argentine club San Lorenzo. His team has reached the final of the FIFA Club World Cup, where they face Real Madrid. As well as acting, Mortens...
Both Of Lionel Messi's Feet Must Be Made Of Glue
Let's ignore the video of Lionel Messi's second goal today for a minute, and just stare at the picture above. That's the world's best left foot plucking a screaming ball out of the air as casually as a frog would an unexpecting fly, or Odell Beckham would a lobbed duck of a pass in pregame warm-up...
Yaya Touré Is Back To Smashing In The Goals
It was a bit of a shaky start for Yaya Touré this season, and as Manchester City's best player, it's meant a bit of a shaky start for the club. But today's match against Crystal Palace saw him back to the position he's most comfortable in, finishing off a perfectly worked counter by bludgeoning th...
Lots Of Things Happened In Soccer In 2014 And Here Are Many Of Them
From the good folks at Project Babb, here's your soccer year in review, in easy-to-digest, self-aware musical parody form....
Marco Reus Fined $670,000 For Driving Without A License
German paper Bild reports (paywall) that Borussia Dortmund star Marco Reus has been fined €540,000 after police discovered he had been driving without a license for the past three years. Apparently Reus received five speeding tickets during that time, but somehow police never figured out that he a...
Tim Howard Retracts Book Claim That Brad Friedel Tried To Sabotage Him
Tim Howard has announced that he will alter future editions of his just-published book, in response to Brad Friedel's complaint that the book unfairly and inaccurately claims that Friedel attempted to block Howard's move to the Premier League. This decade-old goalkeeper feud still burns brightly, ap...
Giroud Is A Wizard
Sure, Olivier Giroud is unmarked, but that's a marvelous angle....
Soccer Player Struck By Lightning, Thought Dead, Says He Survived
Joao Contreras Fuentes is either one lucky son of a bitch or tops on God's shit list, take your pick. He was playing soccer for the club Sport Aguila in the Copa Peru when a bolt of lighting leaped from Zeus' fingertip and basically erased Fuentes in the fashion of blowing out a candle. The bolt ign...
Joey Barton Received A Death Threat From An Angry Frenchman
On Twitter today, veteran QPR midfielder Joey Barton dug up a a death threat from last year, during his loan to Marseille. It's violent!...
This Is The Soccer Flop To End All Soccer Flops
Leeds United took on Derby County over the weekend, and that's not at all interesting except for the fact that the game gave us a truly glorious flop....
Violence Erupts At Jalisco Stadium After Monterrey Knocks Off Atlas
Atlas and Monterrey supporters clashed with each other and police following tonight's 2-0 Monterrey win that moved Los Rayados into the Liga MX playoff semifinals. Univision Deportes reported multiple police suffered injuries, while others formed a protective shield around Monterrey supporters to pr...
Kevin Mirallas's Beautiful Curling Goal Was Right Out Of A Video Game
After a well-cleared cross from a free kick near the box, Everton's Kevin Mirallas collected the ball and crushed this shot, bending it perfectly into the far corner of Tottenham's goal. You can almost feel how hard he was squeezing the finesse shot button....
Argentine Soccer Broadcaster Is A Rollercoaster Of Emotions
Make sure you have turned YouTube's closed captioning on, and then watch this glorious video of an Argentine second division match from February. When Talleres de Córdoba scores in the 89th minute, the homer broadcaster sings a lyrical description straight out of Galeano (well, not quite). When Almi...
Manchester City's Messiah Sergio Agüero Pulls Another Resurrection Act
Twenty minutes into Manchester City's crucial home Champions League match against Bayern Munich on Tuesday, it looked like everything had broken right for the English champions. Earlier in the day, in the other matchup in City's group, Roma somehow contrived to draw a game they really should've won,...