Soccer Page 354 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Pepe Dives, Announcers Laugh
This happened Sunday, but it's the first we've seen of the feed involving the announcers from the UK's Sky Sports. At the 12-second mark, Pepe is tackled by Valencia's Pablo Piatta. The commentators are totally ready for what comes next, but they still can't contain their glee....

Mario Balotelli Won't Be Doing Things On A Soccer Pitch For Awhile After A Shameful Sunday Display
Mario Balotelli's season is likely over, as is his career with Manchester City after a reckless display at Ashburton Grove during City's 1-0 loss to Arsenal yesterday....

Mario Balotelli Does Things (Including Wayne Rooney's Prostitute)
It's been a banner week in Super Mario World. Saturday, Balotelli scored two goals, fought over who got to take a free kick, was offered for sale by his manager, did or didn't get in a postmatch fight in the locker room, and yesterday, crashed his Bentley in Manchester....

Swansea Played The Prettiest Soccer Game Of The Year (And Lost)
From now until the end of the season, we'll be posting a number of clips from the previous weekend's English Premier League games. If there's a goal, save, dive, lip-read profanity, or hocked sputum we should know about, drop us a line at [email protected]. (You might also enjoy our better-late-than...

Kaká's Long-Range Finesse Strike Was A Work Of Art
While APOEL's Cinderella run through the Champions League was mostly over before today's return match at Real Madrid even started, Kaká helped slam the door by increasing the aggregate lead to 5-0 when he landed a shot from a position and with a curve more reminiscent of his teammate Cristiano Ro...

Pigtailed Four-Year-Old Girl Separates Boy From Soccer Ball By Crashing Into Him
Let that be a warning, buster....

Antonio Valencia's Screwball Goal Was A Work Of Odd Beauty
A brilliant defensive performance by Blackburn Rovers was ruined when Manchester United's Antonio Valencia sliced in a strike that caught keeper Paul Robinson out of position and floated into the goal. Don't let Robinson's failure detract from the ridiculous spin Valencia put on the shot, though;...

Russian Soccer Fans Taunt Opponents With Blowjobby Tifo
Spartak Moscow supporters, with an ingenuity far surpassing their maturity, rigged up a penis banner to mouth-sodomize the mascot of rival Zenit Saint Petersburg. I think the fact that it's bestiality precludes any accusations of homophobia. [Off The Post]...

Despite Scoring Two Goals, Mario Balotelli's Biggest Impact Yesterday Was This Hissy Fit
A fractured Manchester City side patched together a 3-3 draw at home against Sunderland yesterday thanks in part to two Mario Balotelli goals. Yet City management find themselves most concerned with Balotelli's on-pitch behavior, especially in light of this tantrum he threw yesterday over not bein...

Diego Maradona Got Into A Fight With U.A.E.-League Fans, Allegedly Over His Girlfriend
Argentine soccer legend Diego Maradona has been off the international radar somewhat since accepting the manager position of Al Wasl FC in the U.A.E. football league last year. Al Wasl hasn't done a whole lot under his leadership, either—they currently sit in sixth place in the 12-team league....

Real Madrid's Iker Casillas Wiped His Boogers On A Child's Face
Real Madrid's Champions League first leg against APOEL was three days ago, but video is only now emerging of the most exciting thing to happen in that mismatch: Real keeper Iker Casillas wiping his nose, then wiping his hand on the face of one of those kids who lead the players onto the pitch. Nev...

Fabrice Muamba Is Looking Damn Good
Just 13 days after his heart stopped on the pitch, Bolton's Fabrice Muamba had a friend send this photo out from his Twitter account. He's sitting up, he's smiling, and he's alive. "Fab wanted me to post this pic," the friend writes, "and to also say thank you for such overwhelming support." [Twitte...

High School Girl Charged With Assault After Brutal Soccer Beatdown
Throw out the formalities when Lewisville and Chester get together, that's what I always say. The South Carolina schools met for a women's soccer match Monday evening, and it ended with the police being called. That New Mexico-BYU game has nothing on this one....

Cayman Islands Banker Inexplicably Elected New Concacaf Boss
Nah, it doesn't seem shady at all to install the head of the Cayman Islands soccer contingent as the new big cheese overseeing all of North/Central American and Caribbean soccer. Nope, no sir....

Haven't Scored In Five Games? Fans With Arrows Will Show You Where The Goal Is.
We saw great photos of this on Dirty Tackle a couple days ago, but have been waiting for the video to emerge. And it is fantastic. ...

Bolton Win One For Muamba
From now until the end of the season, we'll be posting a number of clips from the previous weekend's English Premier League games. If there's a goal, save, dive, lip-read profanity, or hocked sputum we should know about, drop us a line at [email protected]. (You might also enjoy our better-late-than...

Mario Balotelli Does Thing
Inter Milan sacked manager Claudio Ranieri this week, and introduced interim manager Andrea Stramaccioni this morning at a press conference....

Lionel Messi Tries His Hand At Basketball In A New Herbalife Ad
Okay, so the punch line is kind of ridiculous and would be a clear violation in an real basketball contest. Given the one-on-one game between Barcelona star Lionel Messi and a random basketball player has a clock counting down, we're pretty sure Herbalife isn't particularly concerned with the deta...

Racist Tweets About Fabrice Muamba Get Student 56 Days In Jail
When Bolton's Fabrice Muamba collapsed and his heart stopped for more than an hour, onlookers could only pray. The professionals could do more, defibrillating his heart back into action and saving his life. Meanwhile, a 21-year-old Welsh asshole was merrily Tweeting away that he hoped Muamba was dea...
![A Stoppage-Time El Salvador Goal Brought An End To The Olympic Dreams Of U.S. Men's Soccer [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
A Stoppage-Time El Salvador Goal Brought An End To The Olympic Dreams Of U.S. Men's Soccer [UPDATE]
The United States will not field a men's soccer team at the London Olympics after this stoppage-time goal by El Salvador's Jaime Enrique Alas forced a 3-3 draw in the CONCACAF U-23 qualifying tournament....