Soccer Page 371 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Watch The Portland Timbers' Darlington Nagbe Charm A Ball Into A Goal
We like to bag on the Timbers over here, if only because it makes Timbers fans choke on their kelp noodles. But nobody will be speaking ill of this goal by rookie Darlington Nagbe, who sets himself up for a volley and a perfect strike. Patchouli!...
On My Honeymoon, I Kept Seeing A Flabby, Neck-Braced Kaka
You probably know Kaka as the superstar midfielder for Brazil and Real Madrid. Maybe you'll remember him as the cover boy of FIFA 11....
Top-Heavy Venezuelan Quasi-Celeb Promises To Pose Nude If Her Team Wins Copa America
Ms. Diosa Canales, the lady you see on the horse above, has decided to rep the Venezuelan national team (La Vinotinto, as we native Venezuelans call it) by agreeing to finally get naked if they win the Copa America. She's got a Twitter account and everything....
Largest Sports Site Posts Messi Satire, Second-Largest Sports Site Parrots It As News
On Tuesday, Yahoo's soccer blog posted a seemingly innocuous article on Lionel Messi's loyalty to Barca. "When I eventually pass on, I will only play ghost football at Barcelona. I am happy there. No amount of spirit money will tempt me," he supposedly said....
Who Wants To See Charlie Davies (Mostly) Naked?
I've been dispatched by the other 90 percent of the Deadspin staff to share with you these photos of Charlie Davies, the starting striker for D.C. United who suffered bleeding in the brain, a ruptured bladder, a broken tibia, femur, and elbow, and multiple facial fractures in a car accident in Octob...
Why These Four Countries Are The Only Ones Not Trying To Qualify For The World Cup
Yesterday, the road to the 2014 World Cup kicked off with the first AFC qualifying round. (Technically, Montserrat and Belize played their first match two weeks ago, in Trinidad and Tobago because Montserrat doesn't have an acceptable stadium. The game drew 100 spectators.)...
This Man Cares About The Equatorial Guinean Women's Soccer Team More Than You Do
Equatorial Guinea lost to Norway in its first game in the Women's World Cup with a 1-0 decision. No one took the defeat harder than this unidentified and possibly deranged superfan....
"Hotel Prostitutes" Get Mexican Soccer Players Sent Home From Copa America
The Copa America is about to start, but eight players on the Mexican side are in big trouble. Seems they had a little place in their Quito hotel where they were running some Ecuadorian whores in and out, trying to be responsible. Then, laptops and iPads turned up missing. They got criticized for th...
The Face Of Totalitarianism Meets The Righteous Boot Of Democracy
Maybe the North Koreans really were struck by lightning; if "Lightning" is Megan Rapinoe's nickname for her right foot....
North Korea Lost To The US Because They Were Struck By Lightning, Says North Korea
In a truly bizarre press conference, North Korea's coach Kim Kwang Min had an excuse for his team's performance that...I don't think I've ever heard before....
Your Women's World Cup Open Thread
The U.S. women start their 2011 World Cup campaign today in Dresden, with an opening-round game against "mysterious" North Korea at 12:15pm. It will be aired on ESPN and ESPN3. Talk about it here, whether or not you played girls' club soccer in 1999 and had a prized ticket stub to the U.S.-Germany q...
The Most Stylish Way To Complete A Hat Trick
Remember this name: Souleymane Coulibaly (no pronunciation guide needed!) is a player for the Ivory Coast national team, and he has been scoring a lot of goals lately. His hat trick against Brazil yesterday gave the African squad a 3-3 tie and a place among the final 16 teams in the U-17 World Cup...
Your Gold Cup Finals Open Thread
At stake in tonight's Gold Cup final between the soccer teams of the United States of America and Mexico is a berth in the 2013 Confederation Cup. And bragging rights. And all that. Granted, the USA pretty much dominates El Tri in the land of the free, but Mexico's got itself a worthy side. Then a...
Here's China Losing Its Olympic Men's Soccer Bid On A Blown Call (Which Was Followed By A Humiliating Collapse)
Regrettably, the Chinese men's soccer team will not have a chance to follow up its 2008 Olympics performance—six goals against, one goal for, two red cards, one vicious episode of crotch-punching—with an appearance in London in 2012. The People's Republic was eliminated from the Asian Olympic qual...
Great-Grandmother Banned For Invading Leeds' Soccer Field Just Wanted To Tell Lads She Loved 'Em
Margaret Musgrove, a 63-year-old great-grandmother from West Yorkshire, has been banned from the Leeds United stadium after running onto the field at Elland Road in May. She is much cooler and possibly drunker than your great-grandmother:...
If You Want To Play Soccer In Australia, Please Remove Your Genital Piercings First
The Old Hill Wanderers would like to clear up the specifics in an incident that led to a red card in a game against Swinburne on June 19:...
"This Is A Great Day For Canada's Football," Says Canada Coach After Dumb Luck Delays Elimination Three More Days
I'm not sure what lessons we can learn from the U-17 World Cup (I hope none, because the US lost to Uzbekistan last night), but English goaltending looks like it'll be hopeless for the next couple of decades....
Maybe It's A Siberian Mining-Country Custom For 7-Foot Boxers To Play Soccer In "An Exotic Charity Event"
There's so much going on in this news report from Siberia that it's easy to forget that a 7-foot heavyweight boxer (Nikolay Valuev) is trying to play soccer against a 5-foot-7 footballer (Andrey Arshavin) for charity. But that's what it is, and here's why:...
Here's Video Of The Adu-To-Donovan-To-Dempsey Goal That Advanced The U.S. To The Gold Cup Final
With a 1-0 victory over Panama, the U.S. men's soccer team will face the winner of the upcoming Mexico/Honduras match in Houston. Yes, the Adu in the headline is Freddy, that not-quite-prodigy who Coach Bob Bradley inserted into the match in the 66th minute. And yes, both Adu's and Donovan's passe...
Here's Video Of A Rapscallion Getting Face Planted On The Chinese Soccer Pitch He Defiled
This video is titled "China Football Special Pretending Footballer hitting Referee 追打裁判." What more needs to be said? Nothing, that's what....