Soccer Page 383 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Hey Sara Carbonero! Stay Away From Cristiano Ronaldo!
This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

Ashley Cole Punched In The Underpants By Google
For all that is totally brilliant about modern technology, all this advancement has a downside. Notably that it's now damn near impossible to casually steamroller a whole host of women behind Cheryl Cole's back and ever have the whole mess forgotten about....

Man U, Birmingham Settle Draw With Funny Face Contest
United's Anderson and City's Barry Ferguson got involved in some extracurricular shenanigans en route to the Red Devils regaining the top spot in the Premier League. And, yes, their mothers were right: their faces froze that way....

The Spoiler’s Premier League Team Of The Season (So Far)
As is tradition, The Spoiler shall start with the bad news — only ONE player from our "Predicted Team of the Season" compiled in early August looks set to make the XI once the league is done and dusted....

Is MLS Actually Doing Something Better Than European Soccer?
Arsene Wenger thinks the Premier League offseason should be in the winter rather than the summer. Well, it'd do wonders for Blackpool's tourist-heavy attendance....

10 Extremely Biblical-Looking Footballers
Of course, most of the nation will spend the weekend embroiled in sprouts, drinking heavily, and most definitely not sitting down to rewatch Mel Gibson's incredibly inaccurate and rather over-the-top remake of The Life of Brian....

And The Crowd Pelts The Corner Kicker With Snowballs …
This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

Man U And Chelsea Won't Be Playing Today
As English Premier League games go, Man U/Chelsea is big. Man U's in first. Defending champion Chelsea's three points behind in fourth....

The Best (And Only) Futsal Goal You'll See All Week
A ridiculous sport calls for a ridiculous goal. Portuguese indoor soccer player Ricardinho makes with the move I'm sure there's a name for, but I'll just call the reverse floppy dolphin kick....

Polish Fans Break Out The Flares For Five-A-Side Under-12 Team
We've all been there — in the pub, going round the table, explaining who you support....

Everyone At Real Madrid Hates Cristiano Ronaldo
The next few times Cristiano Ronaldo scores a goal and starts doing his "I'm great, me!" celebration shtick, look closely. What's wrong with the picture? Oh yeah, that's it....

Fan Takes Ball To The Head, Loses Skullcap
This from yesterday's Club World Cup match in Abu Dhabi. We see your hoisted hairpiece, and raise you one toppled taqiyah....

Ref Takes Ball To The Head, Loses Toupee
Your guess is as good as mine as to where this comes from. All I know is that ref will keep a closer eye on clearances in the future, and maybe consider a stronger adhesive....

Dutch Soccer Prank War Continues With The Old "Ball Made Out Of Cake" Trick
When last we saw the Dutch National Team eating lunch in a warehouse, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar wrecked Ricky Van Wolfswinkel with a ball and some conveniently placed air ducts. Revenge time....

Sepp Blatter Suggests Gays Should "Refrain From Sex" At Qatar 2022. Dick.
This post, written by Richard Gilzene, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

This Is Terrible Sports TV Banter
Charlie Nicholas broke off from rambling on about "set PCs," and Blackpool players "Kaka" and "T.J. Campbell" to deliver a great contender for worst comeback of the century on Soccer Saturday this weekend....

Let Salomon Kalou's Glistening Rump Take You Into The Weekend
The Chelsea forward took a tumble during this week's Champions League match, and seemed in no hurry to hike his shorts back up. Or perhaps, like Gary Lineker, he had some quick business to take care of....

Dutch Footballer Does Something Cool In A Video You'll Be Shocked To Learn Is A Nike Ad
Classic lunch hall bullying, with a pro football twist. Nice, but The Spoiler longs for a return to the days when Nike adverts weren't always balls deep in CGI....

The Unreal Genius Of <em>Football Manager</em>, Greatest Video Game Ever
Football Manager 2011 is the latest entry in the famously addictive series of "realistic" soccer simulation games. Brian Phillips explains the appeal and what it tells us about sports fandom in the time of Brett Favre's penis....

Would Manchester United Fans Kindly Stop Calling Arsene Wenger A Pedophile?
This post, written by Richard Gilzene, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....