Soccer Page 403 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Goal By SMU Soccer Player Probably Made The Goalie From Tulsa Go 'SM-Ewwwwww'
That is precisely what happened to Ryan Rosenbaum, a freshman at Southern Methodist University. With SMU leading Tulsa 2-1, Rosenbaum booted the ball downfield to clear it out of the defensive zone, which ended up bouncing over the Tulsa goalie's head and into the net. The goal ultimately was the ga...

Shady Soccer Match Invents The "Let's All Stand On The Sideline" Defense
Dirty Tackle tracked this one down, and it's impressive for the sheer ballsiness of it....

The Kid Who Threw That On The Pitch Had Some Balls
Strange things are afoot in the Premiere League. Sunderland got a break when the lone goal of the match was scored by Darren Bent after the ball caromed off a beach ball thrown on the field by some punk kid....

Maradona Tells His Critics To "Suck It", Also "Keep On Sucking it"
Argentina's greatest soccer hero has caught a lot of flack since taking over the national team and leading them almost nowhere. But after dramatically securing a last-minute World Cup berth, he let loose with an epic kiss-my-ass tirade....

U.S. Striker Charlie Davies In Surgery After Serious Car Accident (UPDATE)
The national team's promising 23-year-old forward was apparently involved in this grim one-car accident along the George Washington Parkway, which ripped an SUV in half. One woman died at the scene. Davies' injuries are reportedly not life-threatening....

USA Wins FIFA!
Well, not really. But after a nailbiting 3-2 victory at Honduras, they are the first CONCACAF side to qualify for next summer's World Cup. Suck on that, Netherlands Antilles. [USSoccer.com]...

Of WAGs And Witchcraft
A Spanish "witch" came forward to say he was paid to put a curse on Cristiano Ronaldo, causing his recent ankle injury. Suspect number one in the Spanish press: a jilted Paris Hilton. [Sport]...

The Deadspin Pub Opens For Chelsea and Liverpool
Chelsea and Liverpool are set to kick off the weekend's spotlight match at Stamford Bridge. Elsewhere Real Madrid faces their toughest test to date in La Liga against Sevilla....

Suddenly An Expiring CBA Doesn't Seem So Bad
Short of money, Irish Premier League Team Cork City were only able to travel to an away game after local businessmen raised money to pay their bus fare. Gary Bettman is considering relocating them to Albuquerque. [Evening Herald]...

Oh Great, Even Less Scoring In Soccer
Of the many ways to cheat at professional sports, the simplest are sometimes the most effective. Like, say, a keeper making his goal smaller. Oh, soccer, this whole taking-you-seriously thing isn't going to work out....

Finally, Objective Proof That Referees Favor Manchester United
Imagine if every time the Yankees lost, the umps decided to play a 10th inning. That's what's happening in England, with (obviously) Man U being the beneficiary of some super-shady timekeeping....

Another Life Ruined By Soccer Antics
If a Nigerian soccer player promises you a roster spot in exchange for doing him "one small favor," it's probably a good idea to walk away—especially if that favor involves smuggling 500g of heroin into India. [Unprofessional Foul]...

Spanish Soccer Club Whipped Into Shape By Man-Eating Grizzly Bear
Spain's Real Valladolid teaching it's newest training partner the basics of soccer, including how to take a convincing dive when you're a 400 lb killing machine. [The Spoiler]...

And You Thought Your Favorite Player Had A Bad Game
Seconds after scoring an own goal, a Czech soccer player suffered a fatal heart attack on the field. So cut your guys a little slack if they go 0-5 tonight. [AFP via Dirty Tackle]...

Chelsea Banned From Signing Players Until 2010 2011
The two-transfer-window ban is for illegally poaching a young midfielder from his Ligue 1 team. Which is funny, because messing around with a French teenager is exactly how Tony Parker got in trouble, too. [Guardian]...

Rough Hit Destroys Belgian Soccer Player's Lower Leg
Speaking of horrible below-the-knee shots, our squeamish readers should avert their eyes from Axel Witsel's challenge on Marcin Wasilewski. And by "challenge" I mean "dividing his lower leg into two distinct pieces." Take a moment to compose yourself....

Player-Coach Leads Team To Championship While Pregnant
Sky Blue FC won the first Women's Professional Soccer League championship last weekend, but didn't find out until the champagne celebration that their coach-slash-captain, Christie Rampone, is three months pregnant. No, she didn't play barefoot....

Slumping Team Tries New Motivational Tactic: Guns
When a reader sends you a tip with the subject line "More dysfunctional team than the Mets," you have to open it. So of course the story involves a soccer team's executives threatening the players with guns after a loss....