Soccer Page 414 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo Will Also Accept Large Piles Of Real Madrid's Cash
Just days after Kaka broke the world transfer record by going from AC Milan to Real Madrid, his new squad plunked down another $131 million to take Cristiano Ronaldo away from Manchester United. They are—how you say?—living large....
Soccer Player Survives On-Field Heart Attack
Today's most popular viral video? Belgian footballer Anthony Van Loo (funny) suffers a heart attack mid-game (not funny), but survives thanks to his implanted defibrillator (applause!)....
$94 Million Just Ain't What It Used To Be
The world's financial oblivion has affected some sports clubs worse than others. Perhaps Real Madrid giving AC Milan $94 million to take their best player will clue you in on who the haves and have nots are....
Seeking Soccer Aficionados With $140 Million To Spare
"The Board of Newcastle United can today confirm that the Club is for sale at the price of £100m. Interested parties should contact Newcastle United at [email protected] (or Keith Harris at Seymour Pierce) for further details." [The Sun]...
Chicago Fire Fans Take Their Name Quite Literally
Houston Dynamo announcer on the Chicago Fire's Section 8 celebrating its Friday night with flares: "That is a thing of beauty. You're not going to see that at an NBA game."...
Congratulations, Cristiano Ronaldo Is Nailing Your Sister
Chelsea had a bit of a rough go of it this year, especially after losing a heartbreaker to Barcelona in the Champions League, but their Italian-Brazilian midfielder Juliano Belletti can take solace in the fact that his sister has found comfort in the arms of Man U coxswain Cristiano Ronaldo....
Manchester United Fan Doesn't Take Well To Losing
Upset with Manchester United's loss to Barcelona in The Biggest Game Ever, a fan steered a minibus into a group of Barcelona fans and killed four people. "The man confessed to doing it on purpose," a police spokeswoman said. "He now says he doesn't know why he did it." [BBC]...
And Now A Nice Photo Of A Man Getting Kicked In The Face
No, it's not Champions League, but it is a good way to show off the WSJ's outstanding "Sports Snapshot" photo blog-a-majig. Amazingly, the man getting kicked in the head is Houston Dynamo forward Brian Ching who used that very same dented dome to score a goal later in the game....
Only The British Can Make Soccer Sound Like Fellatio
The Guardian, liveblogging Barca-Man U: "Stroke … pass … triangle … slide-rule pass … back-heel … tip … tap … slide-rule pass … neat triangle … neat triangle … neat triangle … through-ball … languid stroke … flick … trap … deft touch … chest … clatter … hoof." [Guardian]...
Barcelona and Manchester United Fight Over World's Remaining Marbles
I think I can say without hyperbole that for soccer nuts, today is like Christmas, Fourth of July, and the Super Bowl all rolled into one—only 100 million times bigger. It's the UEFA Champions League Final Day ... and you stupid Yanks are stuck at work!...
Blowing The Whistle: Turkish Soccer Ref Forced Out Because He's Gay
A Turkish soccer referee has lost his job on account of his liking dudes. Horrors!...
Manchester United Secures Third Straight Premier League Title
A 0-0 draw with Arsenal did the trick. Man U is now tied with Liverpool with 18 titles all-time. And now I'm going to stop talking about soccer before I get something wrong....
Kill The Referee! (Starting With These Guys)
Here's a list you don't want to be on: The most notable referees who have been threatened with death for being bad at their jobs. It's not a very select group, either. [Off The Post]...
Chelsea Is Not Taking Their Champions League Defeat Well
Barcelona pulled off a miraculously late rally to win their Champions League semi-final slugfest over Chelsea yesterday, but the defeated English are having some trouble coping. At least no one has hung themselves! Yet....
Soccer Player Killed By Lightning, Then Goes On With His Life
Here's another story of deceased soccer fans, only this one has a happy ending, because the kid in question was lucky enough to be raised from the dead....
Arsenal Fan Commits Suicide After Champions League Wipeout
A Kenyan soccer fan hung himself—in his Arsenal jersey—after his favorite team got thumped by Manchester United in the Champions League yesterday. That is not dealing well with defeat....
Mexican Soccer Player Red Carded For Swine Flu
Speaking of bold, unexpected strategies—Guadalajara defender Hector Reynoso has been banned from international competition because he spit and sneezed on opposing players and then told them he had swine flu....
The Deadspin Pub Celebrates El Clasico
Barcelona is on the road to face Real Madrid in El Clasico, the marquee match on this weekend's schedule. Plus a full slate of action in the English Premier League....
Welcome To Chandler Stadium (Please Wipe Feet Before Entering)
The Rochester Rhinos of the United Soccer League will name their stadium after you or your organization for a thousand bucks. Although like with CitiField, you may be bankrupt within the year. [Democrat And Chronicle]...