So, ah, it didn’t go real great for the Bulls last night, as they played their second game in as many days, at home against the hot and better-rested Boston Celtics. It took the Bulls more than six minutes to score their first point, a free-throw; they were down 18 before they made an actual field goal. It only got worse from there. The result: a 56-point home loss, the most lopsided margin of defeat in the history of the franchise.
The stats are hilarious; the box score looks like it’s from two different sporting events, which for all practical purposes it might as well be. For example: Boston used 11 different players in the game, and eight of them made at least two three-pointers; as a team, the Celtics made nearly as many threes (22) as the Bulls attempted (24). The Celtics dished out 34 assists against only seven turnovers; the Bulls assisted 16 baskets and turned the ball over 15 times. Daniel Theis went for 22-10-5-4, like he was Anthony Davis or some shit.
Anyway, let’s check out some basketball stuff the Bulls did. Here’s Lauri Markkanen, Justin Holiday, and Wendell Carter Jr., uh, defending (?) a slightly tricky, switchy off-ball action leading to a backdoor cut for Theis:
And here are four Bulls players standing straight up and watching as Marcus Morris blows by Robin Lopez for an uncontested dunk:
Here is some, uh, super duper not good transition defense by whichever three Bulls guys these are:
And here is just an all-around five-man master class in how to play two-way basketball extremely fuckin’ hard and well:
This is what it looks like when a bunch of basketball players who already shit major ass feel that not even personal pride is a particularly compelling motivation. The Bulls have already gotten one coach fired this season; may I submit that their problems remain, ah, unresolved?
