Some Basketball Stuff The Chicago Bulls Did While The Boston Celtics Were Beating The Stuffing Out Of Them

So, ah, it didn’t go real great for the Bulls last night, as they played their second game in as many days, at home against the hot and better-rested Boston Celtics. It took the Bulls more than six minutes to score their first point, a free-throw; they were down 18 before they made an actual field goal. It only got worse from there. The result: a 56-point home loss, the most lopsided margin of defeat in the history of the franchise.

The stats are hilarious; the box score looks like it’s from two different sporting events, which for all practical purposes it might as well be. For example: Boston used 11 different players in the game, and eight of them made at least two three-pointers; as a team, the Celtics made nearly as many threes (22) as the Bulls attempted (24). The Celtics dished out 34 assists against only seven turnovers; the Bulls assisted 16 baskets and turned the ball over 15 times. Daniel Theis went for 22-10-5-4, like he was Anthony Davis or some shit.

Anyway, let’s check out some basketball stuff the Bulls did. Here’s Lauri Markkanen, Justin Holiday, and Wendell Carter Jr., uh, defending (?) a slightly tricky, switchy off-ball action leading to a backdoor cut for Theis:

And here are four Bulls players standing straight up and watching as Marcus Morris blows by Robin Lopez for an uncontested dunk:

Here is some, uh, super duper not good transition defense by whichever three Bulls guys these are:

And here is just an all-around five-man master class in how to play two-way basketball extremely fuckin’ hard and well:

This is what it looks like when a bunch of basketball players who already shit major ass feel that not even personal pride is a particularly compelling motivation. The Bulls have already gotten one coach fired this season; may I submit that their problems remain, ah, unresolved?