Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Spain wins an epochally hideous World Cup final that found an apt metaphor in the video you see here, of a happy Spaniard making a grab for the World Cup trophy and getting punched in the face. If you want an idea of what we didn't see yesterday, take a look at Brian Phillips's gorgeous riff this weekend on Spain's "branching, gliding, frictionless ballet of frost."
• Do you want to know Maureen Dowd's thoughts on LeBron's Decision? Do you want to read the opinion of someone who makes Rick Reilly look like Bertrand Russell? Do you wonder what sort of horrible pun she might make out of "Miami"? Of course you do.
• The NBA won't pursue a tampering investigation into the Heat's signings of LeBron, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh, probably because the Heat's signings weren't within an area code of tampering.
• Jesse Jackson has some thoughts he'd like to share about something or other.
• Chad Ochocinco gets into a fight with a bouncer, tweets about it, and then earns a +1 for this followup:
@nflcommish Dad everything is ok here in NY, I have the situation under control, I turned the other cheek but he kept provoking me, thanks
• Looks like you won't have Lance Armstrong to kick around anymore:
"The Tour is finished for me, but I could stay in the race, win stages and help the team and really try to appreciate my time here and appreciate that I'm not going back here," Armstrong, who is 38, said. "No tears for me. I've a lot of good years here, where it's been pretty different. I'm not going to dwell on today."
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Good morning. It's Monday. Thank the stars the World Cup is over and we can get back to talking about real sports, like the MLB All-Star Game.