Spokeswoman For Craig James Denies He Killed Five Hookers While At SMU (OK, Whatever)

It's the probing question that keeps the world's brightest minds up at night: Did unpopular Texas Republican Craig James actually kill five hookers while at Southern Methodist? Tim Rogers, an editor at D Magazine in Dallas, finally got James campaign spokeswoman Meredith Turney on the phone for a frank discussion of allegedly dead hookers and so much more.

Here's how things start off:

"Wow. Um. Actually, we did address that issue. Very early in the campaign, we sent a tweet out letting people know that we'd been Google bombed."

"I must have missed this tweet."

"We mentioned in passing that Craig had been the victim of a Google bomb."

"If you had killed five hookers, then the Google bomb excuse is the perfect cover. Hypothetically, you see what I'm saying."

"Yeah, no, I can categorically, definitively say that is absolutely untrue. I know that in this day and age of the internet, there's a lot of things that people like to do to be funny and to ridicule people. But in this case, it's very disrespectful to another human being to spread a rumor like that. That is despicable. I mean, Craig is a wonderful family man. I have worked with him since the beginning of the campaign, and I have not met—I've worked in politics a long time—I have not met a more honorable, decent human being than Craig James. He is a wonderful Christian man, loves his wife, Marilyn. They've been married for almost 30 years. He has four beautiful children. And to spread these kinds of rumors is just malicious. And I just find it really despicable that people would stoop to that level to attack a man's character."

"I have to ask you a follow-up question."

As they say, go read the whole thing, because it sure doesn't end there, devolving into a weirdly trippy exposition into Monty Python, mattress tags, Napoleon Dynamite, and black market panda meat. (Spoiler alert: The final line of the interview: "I love you.")

[ D Magazine]