The only way First Take can ever feel genuine or unscripted is when its loudmouths end up talking shop on air. Stephen A. Smith, a sputtering whoopee cushion that can be palpated to produce sports-adjacent commentary, got into it with milquetoast chud Will Cain on today’s show.

Though Cain started out reasonably enough by saying that he didn’t much care what Baker Mayfield had to say about Hue Jackson, he soon veered awkwardly into what must be a well-rehearsed talking point about the non-existence of “privilege.” It’s hard to tell what Cain wants more desperately from this segment: to be hated by the SJW snowflakes, or to be the first person to transmit saliva onto a viewer’s face via broadcast with the pronunciation of “privilege.” At least he brought his A-game, which is to say, some flavorless half-rant that no one could even muster the energy to hate:

Smith, who increasingly (and surprisingly) can be found on the side of truth and righteousness these days, is paid precisely to muster that energy, though. So he responded to Cain, who demands debates from people who don’t respect him, by claiming that any argument would be a waste of his time. At least everyone in this exchange is completely transparent about the fact that, by this point, they’re purely talking about TV jiu-jitsu skills and not any underlying beliefs. Let’s be real: that stuff’s just distracting. As Smith himself says, “Please, you just learned this sport. Step back.”

You’re now dumber for having listened to any of this, but dumbest of all might be me, who must confess having actually learned something from a fucking First Take segment: “impanel.” Cool word.