The Los Angeles Clippers held an introductory press conference today for new players Paul George and Kawhi Leonard. Also on stage was team owner Steve Ballmer, known for being shiny, red, and het up while courtside at his team’s games. In a sense, this is charming: Ballmer’s one of the team owners who seems deeply emotionally invested in his team, instead of viewing it as just another bloodless asset in his vast portfolio. In another sense: Please subdue this man and cast him into a very deep well.
Ballmer has achieved an emotional state where he seems equally probable to cry or to drop-kick an audience member. He also butchered a handshake attempt with Kawhi, though judging by his tongue, he relished the awkwardness:
At least Ballmer looked perfectly relaxed when he was done speaking.