Your morning roundup for March 9, the day a cow fart came in a can.

• Here's a screen shot of the welcome page from the official website of Oakland's head basketball coach, Greg Kampe. The site doesn't look like it's been updated in some time. To be fair, I guess, the Oakland mascot is the Golden Grizzlie — but the site also includes a photo of a possibly under-aged girl holding a homemade sign that says "Greg Kampe is one of the 50 Sexiest Coaches." Greg Kampe apparently does not give a shit. Oakland won the Summit League title last night to clinch its second straight NCAA berth. (H/T EddieSuttons_SouthernComfort)

• PETA members are staging a "peaceful protest" against Mike Tyson's pigeons in Henderson, Nev. They are apparently not distracted enough by their new rapper spokesman and the bling on his member.

• Jim Tressel was suspended for two games and fined $250,000 by Ohio State for his NCAA violations. For fun, SI's Morning Jolt dug up Tressel's interview after the Buckeyes suspended Terrelle Pryor and four other players for improper payment for tattoos. Tressel's hard line: "The buck stops here." Well, almost.


• Milwaukee's Zack Greinke broke a rib playing pickup basketball, and may start the season on the disabled list — providing yet another argument for keeping the franchise player in an off-season plastic bubble until opening day.

• Portland beat Miami in South Beach, 105-96. This is the Heat's fifth straight loss, and it seems like things aren't getting any easier: Chris Bosh admitted after the game that he is "uncomfortable" right now, and Phil Jackson, who coached the Lakers to an eighth straight victory last night, told reporters, "Big boys don't cry." But of course, LeBron reminds us that the Heat could actually lose every remaining game and still make the playoffs. LeSigh.


• Tiki Barber will not be a New York Giant.

• CSN Washington's Michael Jenkins had his own Tom Brady Dance Party on-air yesterday. ATTN, all broadcasters: please don't do this.

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Disclosure: Ohio State suspended and fined Jim Tressel, and perhaps more embarrassing, released his emails to the world.


Posterity:With Tiki Barber coming back, it's instructive to recall the proverbial handjobs given to him by certain columnists.

Delivery: Ryan Kesler is Vancouver's topless pizza boy, creeping in the background and generally disrupting interviews.


Dorkfight: Harvard. Princeton. For all the ascots.