Stop Him Before He's Punched Again

As you might have heard, Evander Holyfield — 43 years old, loser of his last three fights, in danger of, you know, dying in the ring — will return to fight Jeremy Bates in Dallas on August 18. The fight is billed as "the beginning of his quest to win his fifth heavyweight title," though when you're 43 years old and a boxer, you're not really beginning anything. (Particularly when you're fighting a guy with a 21-11-1. Not to imply that Holyfield's high-drawing days might be over, but the fight will be broadcast live not on pay-per-view, but live on "The Best Damn Sports Show." Really.

Just to be enablers, some people are actually encouraging this, while the rest of us are wondering exactly how John Salley might opine about a live death on his network. (He does have some experience in describing other people's deaths.)

Seriously, though: Someone should probably say something here, shouldn't they? Like, tap him on the shoulder, distract him with a dancing show or something?

Holyfield To Return In August [East Side Boxing] Don't Count Holyfield Out [Atlanta Journal-Constitution] That Sound You Hear Is Teri Hatcher's Rapid Footsteps [Deadspin]